Why Losing Your Virginity Doesn't Change You

This post was submitted by CC reader Janelle Cox. If you would like to write for CollegeCandy, submit an original post or pitch here.

During high school boys weren’t really my focus. No that’s a lie; I wasn’t their focus. Now, I’m not ugly, at least not in the traditional sense if that’s what you’re thinking. Over the years I’ve taken care of my body through sports, and although I’m skinny I have nice curves. I may be a little weird and, yes, I have my quirks but it’s nothing that I find to be unattractive. I’m extremely social, too social sometimes. I’ve always been extremely outspoken and I’m not afraid to say exactly what’s on my mind. Why I’ve never had a romantic relationship with the opposite sex is a complete mystery to those around me and myself. But honestly I don’t get it, so if you’re reading this and you know me, and you know why, please, dear God tell me.
Now I’m not stupid. I know that for most boys in college they’re not looking for a committed relationship, especially the freshmen. At least at my school they aren’t. In fact I’ve found that there are three types of freshmen boys that attend my college. There are those who sit in front of computers all day and play world of War Craft, but they don’t actually count. There are those who are just getting out relationships and they’re more than ready for the college experience and all that comes with it. Then there’s my personal favorite, those who are still currently in a relationship, but aren’t letting that stop them from the girls with loose morals. I figured this all out probably within the first two weeks of school just from the stories my roommate had told me.
I came to college as a virgin. Considering I didn’t date in high school or before that it’s not exactly a secret, but I still feel like I need to say it. I didn’t start having sexual experiences until the middle of my first semester as a freshman in college. I grew up going to church twice a week, Sundays and Wednesdays. Although I would say I’m very religious there are a lot of things in the Bible I don’t necessarily agree with. For the sake of this article though let’s just talk sex. The Bible says no sex before marriage and through high school at the rate I was going I didn’t think that was going to be a problem. But, by that time I decided that doing things with boys was fine, but I still wanted to be in a relationship before I lost my virginity.
I never hid the fact that I was a virgin from anyone and I’ll be honest and say that I truly enjoyed the reactions I got when I told people I was a virgin. It was like I was a dying breed, a unicorn of my time if you will. I hooked up with two boys my first semester in college and they both knew I was a virgin and respected that. It wasn’t until my second semester that I lost my virginity.
The boy was kryptonite and I’m not lying when I say that I knew that if I were going to lose my virginity to anyone it would be him. We met during my first semester during of college at my bid day party. I had pledged a sorority and this was the last party I was allowed to attend during the eight weeks of new membering. He was an upperclassman of the fraternity who was hosting the party. I was being put on a dry spell (no drinking/no smoking) so I was going out with a bang.
I had gone outside to get some air and he was there. He was wearing a pair of letters that had the Jamaican flag on them. I myself am Jamaican and when you meet another Jamaican it’s kind of a big deal. I made him take a picture of with me and then disappeared for the rest of the night. I woke up to the picture the next morning confused as ever, and saw him again at a week later at a social where he again reminded me of that night. We talked a few more times during my dry spell but it was mostly small talk. We didn’t really start speaking until after winter break.
He’s not the nicest guy in world, and he had a particular way of flirting that was really childish. You know how when you’re younger there’s that kid on the playground that picks on you for no reason, and you’re mom says it because he likes you. That was him. Still I couldn’t help but find myself attracted to him in the worst way. It didn’t particularly help that everyone would tell me that we were literally the same person.
I had learned a long time ago to ignore the thoughts and opinions of others when it comes to boys. Even if I liked him there was still a chance that he didn’t and I wasn’t going to profess my undying love for the kid if the feelings weren’t going to be reciprocated. I was in denial. To make a long story short he did like me and one night I ended up alone with him in his room.
Losing my virginity was nothing like I expected it to be. For one thing I didn’t orgasm (hold your laughter). I thought I had read enough about sex where I wouldn’t be awkward about it and it would just come naturally. The fact that he was really experienced at the end of the day didn’t make that much of a difference. It hurt, like a lot, but then it didn’t. Without going into graphic detail it just felt weird.
I had always thought that when I lost my virginity my life would do a complete 180. If we weren’t in a relationship I’d be a complete and utter mess, and if we were then maybe I’d be in love. I wasn’t sad or guilty, happy or in love; in fact all I felt was indifference. It was like I didn’t even lose my virginity at all.
I can’t say that I regret having sex because I don’t. What I do regret is having sex with him. I had learned from my two previous hook ups that I’m not good with what happens afterwards. How you just stop talking and give a simple nod or wave every time you do see them. This was really the main reason why I wanted to be in a relationship with the person I chose to lose my virginity, but obviously that didn’t happen. Instead I lost someone who potentially could have been a good friend. Someone I did really like. Hopefully somewhere down the line we can be friends again.
I feel as though society makes such a big deal about your first time. There is so much pressure on us to just get it right. And after the experience I had I don’t know if that’s possible. I mean you could be reading this and your experience could have been the exact opposite, but I know I can’t be the only person in the world that feels this way. Losing your virginity doesn’t change you it changes your title. You go from being a virgin to not. I don’t feel any different then I did months prior to losing my virginity. My smile is just as big, my grades are just as mediocre, and my wardrobe especially hasn’t seen any types of changes.
[Lead image via Filatova Liubov/Shutterstock]

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