Finally, we have made it to my favorite week: Fantasy Dates! AKA Have Sex With 3 People Who All Know Each Other in One Week Dates!
The first date this week, as per usual, goes to Normcore Nick. The two of them hop in a helicopter and spend the day on a private island. This is not the date I would want if we’re being honest—too much talking not enough eating fun island foods.
As much as I haven’t quite understood what Andi has seen in Nick this whole season, I have to agree with Andi—he sure does have a bod on him. He’s a little skinny for my liking, but watching him pick her up and carry her from the water back to the beach was pretttty sexy, I will admit.
Their conversation on the beach was also so real. I loved how open he was about his past relationships, his own insecurities, and his fears about moving forward with Andi. Even though he got super awkward towards the end there, I mean, I completely understand his freak out and his nervousness. If I knew there was a 66% chance I was going to get dumped, and also that the man I wanted to say I love you to could not say it back, would I say it? Hells no! I would totally Juan Pablo it. That shit is cray.
Then Nick does what all grown men do, which is create Andi a fairytale picture book about three HUNDRED pages long.
Was this cute? Creepy? Is Nick a child? Does the fact that I find this bizarre mean I have no romance inside me? Unclear on all of these questions. Completely unclear on how I feel about Normcore Nick.
However, when Nick finally did said I love you, not through a children’s book but with real words, it made me feel feels. It was one of my favorite I love yous on this show. Maybe that means it was real?
Josh M. gets the next fantasy date. Seriously y’all, how does she DO this? After a great date with Normcore, him confessing his love for her, and probably some sex, the next day she has to go on another date with someone who says he is in love with her?? The anxiety this would cause me is insane.
Did it bother anyone else that Josh was wearing Nikes with regular clothes? This is unacceptable. He’s a grown man! Get some real shoes, ya dummy!
Anyways. This date is definitely much more fun than her date with Nick, but that’s not exactly a fair comparison. This date involved interacting with people, exploring the town, and playing baseball! Did you guys know that Josh likes to play baseball?
Josh M. said I love you in sort of a passive off the cuff way. While I appreciate this more than an airplane banner (sorry, Chris), he could have been a little more serious about it. But it was kinda nice. He definitely showed a more serious side tonight, but I am extremely concerned that Andi still does not trust him. It is real far in at this point, you gotta trust him by now or there’s a deeper issue, homegirl.
Finally, we get sweet baby Chris. For some reason, Andi chose horseback riding for their date despite the fact that she is terrified of horses. Hilarious. Luckily cowboy Chris was there to save the day, and save the day he did. This man is such a man. Too bad he’s going to get his sweet baby heart broken. Also, did he say “for fuck’s sake”? Reals?
Their conversations felt more forced to me, and their body language was crazy off. As they were sitting on a tree near the horses Chris has his arms crossed and they weren’t touching at all—something is lacking here that isn’t lacking with the other gentleman. She literally cannot keep her hands off Josh and Normcore.
Not only do they not touch that much, but they have serious conversations about where they would live and if they could live together more than anyone else.
This entire time, I had felt like the problem with Chris and Andi rested only with his geographic location. But boy was I wrong.
Andi surprised me tonight by not only not giving him the fantasy suite date and sending him home early, but by telling him the truth. She said, “I could take the easy way out and blame it on Iowa, but the problem is I just don’t see a foundation with us.” I wonder how many glasses of wine she had before having this conversation, but I love that she did this. Chris did deserve more than waiting for a ceremony, and he deserved to hear the truth. This shit is hard to hear in real life, when someone just says it like it is—I can’t fall in love with you. Imagine hearing it on national TV over and over again.
Chris handled this like the true gentleman he is. He told her he was disappointed but it’s okay and he respects her, and that the point of all of this was to go with her feelings, and she shouldn’t question them. And he didn’t weep like a baby. And he was wearing that insanely perfectly tailored pastel button up.
God dammit, what a great guy. I was actually crying a little when he told her goodbye and that she did the right thing. Not to mention when he said all he wants in life is “Someone who wants to be around me all the time and to make life awesome.” That’s all anyone wants, Chris!
You guys, this whole episode has made me a bowl of stress. Generally at this point I can tell exactly who is going to win (coughBROOKScough). Not this time! I could see her going either way, Josh or Nick.
Josh is clearly where her vagina wants to go, but she does not feel comfortable with where their relationship is at. For some reason, her and Nick have this crazy connection, and she could feel 100% secure in that relationship.
I so wish we didn’t have to wait TWO WEEKS until the finale, but I have to hope The Men Tell All will be a little interesting. You better believe I can’t wait to see my boys Marquel and Cody again!