I’m turning 27 this week!
When I was in fifth grade, I thought 27 was ANCIENT. When I was with my boyfriend’s little cousin the other week, she said 27 was old; her teacher is 27. When I was in high school, I wanted to be happily married at 27, maybe with a dimply blonde baby named Olivia.
Joke’s on you, 27 year-old self, sitting watching Orange Is the New Black on your couch eating BBQ Sun Chips, staring into the ceiling of your cheap apartment, giggling when your boyfriend says “fart” randomly because he knows you think it’s funny. Ok, I’ll stop. Maybe I’m still in fifth grade. Joke’s on you still, Brittany.
From one twenty-something to another, let’s get a little closer to thirty! **insert moment of sweaty panic**
Rule #162: Do not wear your skin like a drunken apology.
Well this sounds super emo, doesn’t it? What it means to me is: don’t feel so guilty all the time. You are a flawed, beautiful individual that will make some big mistakes from time to time. Stop apologizing for being a little bit of a disaster. The right people will love you for it.
Rule #163: Live life like a French woman.
Wear bright and fun lacy bras that show a little (we’re all so accustomed to nude and black bras, blech). Throw a little color into your life! Drink tea. Be proper. Enjoy your food. Eat slowly. Be darling and subtle. French woman embrace their physical experience for all its glory, no matter what. Happiness is not what size you wear but “bien dans sa peau,” feeling good in your own skin. But good heavens, shave your coarse, intrusively hairy armpits.
Rule #164: Update your wardrobe slowly.
We’re 20-something, not Christian Grey loaded with helicopters and chains cash money, so bring your wardrobe up to par slowly. Start with the little things: clutch, loafers, etc., and within a year or two you will have things you may want to keep forever.
Rule #165: Learn to shop, cook and enjoy food.
Buy a crock pot and see what happens! Seriously, I bought a crock pot (a zebra one, so goes to show how much I cook on a daily basis) and two old recipe books from a thrift store. When I get a chance, I love going to the grocery store with a recipe crumpled in my palm and soul search for good grub for my Ke$ha crock pot back at home. This process slows me down, makes me feel accomplished AND accessorizes my fridge with moldy leftovers for the next three months!
Rule #166: Be explicit.
Tell people what you want. If you don’t know what you want, tell people what you don’t want.
Rule #167: If you can’t name the members of The Beatles but can name each family member of the Kardashians, take a time out.
I gave myself one last weekend. Trust me, it was a very reflective personal moment for me.
Rule #168: SIT UP STRAIGHT.
Posture, ladies! Good posture will make you look 60 at 90 and strong and collected when you’re feeling a little weak and messy. SIT UP STRAIGHT. (I slouched while I wrote that sentence) so I thought I’d remind you again. STRAIGHT. There we go.
And Just Like That, You’re Almost Thirty! [Twenty-Something Rules]
