Speedos. No, excuse me, *~Sp33dø$~*, are magical dundie-wears that men wear to the beach or pool. Though scientists once believed the speedo evolved as a second layer of junk skin so that men could both conceal and show off their nibbly bits, it’s origins were recently discovered to be from the fiery pits of hell. Dudes can wear whatever they want, even at the beach, it’s none of my business. Yet, and maybe it’s because they aren’t very popular in America, I can’t help but think speedos are goofy.
The same way crocs are goofy. I am sure guys think some of the stuff we wear is pretty goofy, like why do we wear strapless stuff just to self-consciously tug at our tops all day? Because we like it, duh. Guys can like wearing speedos no problem, however I do notice that the man who chooses to wear a speedo is doing so half ironically and half arrogantly. It’s like he knows how ridiculous he looks but he is also proud of how ridiculous he looks (probably because he has fit body). If you’re going to walk around with that smug look on your face as you spike that volleyball, speedo man, then I am going to giggle at you right back.
If there is no bulge:
Where my D at?
If there is big bulge:
Where my D at?
What life choices have led you to make this decision?
Is it OK if I stare?
No, I don’t know if these are sexual stares but I am strangely hypnotized.
You seem very proud of yourself for some reason. I suppose this is an act of courage?
Wait, I know why this is weird. It reminds of those tighty-whiteys that boys are only supposed to wear when they are kids.
