I am willing to bet $100 you are actively worrying about something right now. And I will bet $100 more dollars what you’re worrying about is not worth it. Here’s my list of worries: paying my Victoria’s Secret bill on time…again, paying my rent on time…again, the weird mole on my arm that’s darker than it was before, the fact I might complain too much about random things, a current project at work due next week, the fact I left my air freshener plugged in and I hope my apartment doesn’t light on fire…
NONE OF THOSE MATTER, BRITTANY.
Pick your personal battles. Don’t let them get to your head. Take care of your loved ones, do your best and leave the rest.
From one twenty-something to another, worry less.
Rule #169: Shop in the Target “tween” section.
I understand this sounds a little creepy. But I don’t mean this in a creepy way. Believe it or not, you can actually find cute clothes in the tween section, that are CHEAP. My most complimented on dress is a triple XL in the Spring Line of tween Merona. When I tell people this, they look at me like I farted in a funnel while looking them in the eye. Take it or leave it.
Rule #170: Invest in a quality spray tan.
My girlfriend recently bought me a heat-infused spray tan for my birthday where I had to go stand naked in front of a stranger wearing a to-go thong while she sprayed me with orange juice. How awful does that sound? Either way, the spray tan made me feel like an exotic, sensual goddess. I felt skinnier than normal and that $40 faux tan was suddenly worth every penny.
Why? Because everyone deserves some insight from a hot Sports Illustrated model, the most prestigious newspaper in America and a doofey dad that does nothing but tweet about drinking coffee. Right?
Rule #172: Call people on their birthday. Mind the texting version.
For the first time in my delicate life, my Grandma text me Happy Birthday instead of calling me. She probably thinks it’s cool and hip but it made me a little sad. So I personally vowed to myself to give people a call on their birthday, sing obnoxiously, and risk leaving a ridiculous voice mail that made the birthday boy/girl very uncomfortable.
Rule #173: Know how to write a proper email.
Take your time, check for spelling errors, use bullet points when needed and make sure you’re sending the email to the correct person. These rules seem trivial, but trust, they are easy mistakes to make and have a big impact. Now I feel like I need to throw in the word “fart” because this is getting WAY too professional.
Rule #174: Three things to always have in your fridge: lemons, an open bowl of fruit, a Brita filter of fresh water.
Okay, and maybe some champagne or craft beer but I was trying to sound healthy for a sentence. Either way, I always have a tough time drinking enough water, but not if I can add a lemon or lime. And if I have a bowl of open grapes in my fridge, they’re easy to grab and eat. It’s just my personal way of trying to take care of myself, I guess.
Rule #175: Five things to always have in your purse: deodorant, almonds, chap-stick, tampons and hair binders.
Because these are the things I panic when I do not have. If I smell like shit, am super hungry, have cracked lips, a surprise monthly situation, or a bad hair day – life can’t go on.