The 8 Kinds Of Messy You Will Be This School Year

Beautiful mess is beautiful. We’re all a mess in some ways. Even those people who look like they’ve got it all together fall a part after a few mojitos. We’re all human beings and getting sloppy is a part of life. A new school year always brings new challenges and new opportunities to look like a fool. It’s not about the mess you make, it’s about how you clean it up.

1. Drunk And Beautiful Messy

Your bodycon dress is hiking up as you stumble through the crowd of coeds. You’re slurring your words and doing shots of tequila off a shot ski as you obnoxiously scream, “Surfboardt!” What’s currently playing is Vampire Weekend causing confusion amongst the crowd. Your bestie is there to keep an eye on you because you take turns being the drunk messy one. It’s an effective buddy system to have the maximum fun and maximum safety. You’re taking full advantage of your safety net as you grind on many crotches, trip over many beer cans and allow the makeup on your face to melt into a pool of pudding on the floor. So young and beautiful Lana Del Rey would be jealous.

2. Burnt Out Messy

You’ll experience this during midterms and finals. After a semester of trying to balance work and play, you’re exhausted. The only problem is now you have to go into studious overdrive. Your eyes are dry from staring at textbooks and screens all day. You’re low on energy because you’re so busy you’ve forgotten to eat. You’re uniform has become yoga pants, Uggs and a top bun. You don’t have time to shower. You’re smelly, tired, hungry and in a tizzy of panic. Avoiding mirrors is your best bet.

3. Bae Messy

Maybe you’re thirsty for a bae or maybe your bae is acting cray. It doesn’t matter because there is about  be major drama. This is the kind of messy where you can’t stop talking to your friends about some bae and even though you know they’re tired of hearing about how they didn’t text back or how they aren’t giving you attention or how they suck but you still thirst for them. Giiiiiirl, we love you but right about now everyone is saying, “She don’t luh herself.”

4. Tinder Messy

A single swipe can change your life. You get a Tinder message, it seems legit, you write back. They don’t write back. WTF? After a few days they write back. OK. Anything could have happened. You write back. They want to meet. You find your freakum dress. You get ready. They cancel. You’re pissed. You’re thirsty. A few days later they write back. What do you do? You ask some friends and get 30 different answers until you hear the one you want. You message them back. They slow fade then ghost you. You’re pissed. You stalk them on Facebook. You cry. You’re mad as someone you’ve never met and even more mad at yourself for letting them affect you. WHAT A WORLD?

5. Roommate Messy

Everyone’s roommate gets progressively more annoying through the year even if they are your biffle. Being good friends does not mean you will be good roommates, which is totally fine but like, really, stop using my night cream. It’s super expensive night cream. And that’s my almond butter—it’s, like, $10+ a jar.

6. Messy Messy

Clean up your shit. The floor is not a closet!

7. Angsty Messy

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife. WHAT EVEN? Graduation? HAHAHA. Declare a major? LOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLOOOOOLLLLL. You want me to figure out what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life when I am too scared to schedule my own doctor’s appointment?!

8. Happy Messy

Yuuuuus. Yus. Yus. Sipping on a Pumpkin Spiced Latte. Bumping into people on the sidewalk because your head is in the clouds. Accidentally smiling at someone because your thoughts are making you happy. Feeling that tingly feeling of hope and possibilities. Thinking to yourself, “My life is actually awesome. I am actually awesome and I do a lot of dope shit.” Then going out with that jolt of energy and doing that dope shit like a hurricane of enthusiasm that startles everyone you know but makes them think, “I want what she’s having.” Yeah, that is the best messy.

[Shutterstock/ Eugenio Marongiu ]

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