You Can Only Be My Friend If: 25 BFF Standards For The Neurotic Girl

How do you make friends when you are a mess? I do not K. All I know is that being my friend requires a certain level of tolerance for my neurotic BS that ranges anywhere from delusional cry spells about nonsense or rehashing memories about Degrassi: The Next Generation. Are you up for the task of befriending a cray? Are you also a cray? Good. Here are the things you may sort of have to put up with and do if you want to chill with someone who has heart palpitations when she has to talk on the voice.
1. If you understand that I am a fashion goddess 70% of the time but kinda look like a sticky, Hershey bar wrapper the other 30% of the time.
2. If you enjoy anywhere from 30-minute to 10-hour conversations about literally nothing at all.
3. If you hear me fart and don’t say nothing.
4. If you hear me fart and tremble with laughter.
5. If you have no deep prejudice but if you do have some deep prejudice (we all kinda do, right?) you better be trying to correct it.
6. If you understand that I probably don’t like any of the same stuff as you but I probably really, really like you anyways.
7. If you understand that Britney—Godney—always comes first.
8. If you can handle the occasional outburst about my existential insecurities.
9. I hope you like to eat from dirty, questionable food trucks!
10. I hope you like really bad television!
11. DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN I TEXT YOU BECAUSE I AM HAVING A BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?
12. I hope you like it when people break out into songs and poorly freestyle elementary-level rhymes!
13. Do you enjoy listening to several hour-long rants about various injustices?
14. Can you debate about famous pop stars’ weaves many times a day?
15. Are you aware that the praying hands Emoji is the best Emoji?
16. Do you sorta kinda but not really believe in astrology?
17. Are you a puppy?
18. Are you comfortable with me imagining conversations with you in my head and then telling you about them?
19. How do you feel about Popeye’s Chicken?
20. Are you a vegan or vegetarian? That is cool. Are you comfortable with making me eggs and potatoes because your people make the best eggs and potatoes?
21. WILL YOU FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER?
22. I hope it doesn’t embarrass you that I will spill everything all over myself all the time!
23. I hope you like zingers!
24. I hope you like overanalyzing every little thing that has ever happened to you!
25. I hope you don’t take things too literally because oh boy!
If you have answered yes to 0 or more of these questions and stipulations we can probs be fronz.