Let me preface this by saying that women who target men in relationships are not very nice people. I think it’s super messed up that a woman can chase after a man knowing they are already committed to someone else. But that’s not the point. She’s not what drove your man to cheat.
I know I’m a hypocrite. I still won’t watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith because I firmly believe in the depths of my heart that it’s what broke Jen and Brad Pitt up. I don’t trust Angelina Jolie. I don’t like her. I’ve called her a home wrecker. It’s really easy to blame someone else when your significant other cheats on you. It’s an easier thing to say. “She broke us up.” “She’s a home wrecker.” But there’s a lot more to cheating than a woman who throws herself at a committed guy.
Don’t hate me, but once when I was much younger I was seeing a boy even though I knew he had a long distance girlfriend. When we started seeing each other, I didn’t know. I tried to end it after I found out, but he strung me along and I was a stupid, stupid girl. I really thought he was going to leave her. He didn’t. I know that this makes me a terrible person and you’re not going to want to listen to what else I have to say but you should. It didn’t matter who I was. He was going to cheat. If it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else. That doesn’t make it okay. But it also doesn’t mean that I was the one that broke up their relationship.
Still don’t believe me? How about this scenario: I dated an asshole. He cheated on me all over the place, but I didn’t learn that until after we broke up. Every relationship that has ever ended for me has hit a point where I knew things were sour. I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. I knew he was cheating. But I didn’t really “know” know. Like, I knew I was unhappy and uneasy and insecure then and I know now. I can pinpoint it almost to the day. I can say, this day, this day is when things started to change. I don’t know how, or why, and I probably never will.
But things were already not good when I introduced this boy to my friend A. (Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent). A wasn’t my best friend by any stretch but we always kind of understood each other. We were on the same wavelength. We were very similar. I started feeling like A and my boyfriend were growing too close. It only led me to become even more insecure which caused me great anxiety. By the end of our relationship I was having full on panic attacks. It was a super toxic, emotionally abusive situation. But at the time, I was miserable. I didn’t know what was happening. After we broke up, A and my boyfriend MOVED IN TOGETHER. Yes. She moved in with him, romantically. He gave her a promise ring. This all happened maybe one month after we broke up. This confirmed that my suspicions were correct. She was his long before he broke up with me.
It was devastating. But it’s not her fault. She didn’t like FORCE him into a relationship. Yes. She should have known better, but if he loved me he wouldn’t have cheated. That’s kind of the whole point. No body is coerced or forced into cheating in a relationship. No one. I don’t care if they are drunk or it only happened once or whatever the excuse is. The other woman was a reason to leave or to cheat when he was looking for one. She didn’t force his hand. And she probably did you a favor.

To read more Bold Girls’ Bible, see all past entries here!

Molly has a degree in journalism/English at a school you haven’t heard of in a state you haven’t heard of. She’s obsessed with Chandler Bing, English bulldogs, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @mollymahannah, or check out her website accordingtomolly.com.