Alexis Wilkinson, editor of The Harvard Lampoon (a satirical student publication), wrote a magnificent treatise and history of the “basic bitch.” The piece is entitled The Origin of Bad Bitches and is available to read in full on Opening Ceremony‘s blog.
Here is an excerpt:
“So, like, I went to the mall?” opines the basic bitch, enthralling her flock of beta bum bitches with her honed ability to treat the simplest of activities with introspection and reverence. A trip to the mall, the fucking mall, requires two hours of conversation. She thinks her scarf from Forever 21 is vintage. She knows nothing of philosophy, politics, fine arts, business, science, language, or style. Her only area of study is pop culture, and even that she has yet to master as she mistakenly uses “turn up” as a noun.
I mentioned a female in the previous example, but basic bitchiosity extends beyond lines of gender. The male-identifying basic bitch shares similar characteristics, although often expressed differently. Basic boys think their feverish grip on antiquated concepts of masculinity somehow makes them different, or more real, than guys who don’t need to brawl or watch sports to feel like valid humans. These bros ain’t loyal, and they wear their disloyalty as a badge of honor, not realizing it makes them all exactly the same. They are as shallow as their empty Natty Lights and believe the nonsensical half-sentences they say while high are some of the deepest thoughts they’ve ever had.
The piece traces the Darwinian evolution of basic bitches to the modern and evolved bad bitch and is basically, like, everything I’ve been saying, guuuyz. Now we have proof from Harvurrrd.
“Where the basic bitch sees an obstacle, the Bad Bitch sees an opportunity. Where the basic bitch is stagnant, the Bad Bitch is a process. Where the basic bitch is, well, basic, the Bad Bitch, like evolution and life itself, is nothing if not complex.”
Read the rest of the piece here.
