Brandon, 29, is trying to act all glowed out and seductive by using his bank account balance as his Tinder profile picture. The 29-year-old Brandon has $127, 343.46 in his “business checking” account. That’s a lot of pumpkin spice lattes and Taylor Swift concert tickets, ladies.
Any guy whose name sounds this similar to “Brad” (Brads are the worst that’s why the good ones have nicknames), who is waving his bank account balance around isn’t looking for girlfriend or even a hookup, he’s looking for a whore. If Brandon thinks he can buy you he probably thinks he can own you.
He’ll probably put you on a shelf with his collection of My Little Pony figurines, fedora hats and Fabergé eggs. You know this American Psycho-type mofo is a brony or a part of some reddit subculture where hollow men with chodes cavort to discuss how “women are such bitches who always date assholes and not nice guys.”
On the other hand, if Brandon, 29, wants to pay off my student loans, I am perfectly happy to have a threesome with him and Sallie Mae. Hey, players gotta play.