My name is J and I’m an online shopaholic.
I love the mall. Actually no, I love shopping. I love feeling the weight of the clothes in my arms as I flip through the racks and add to my growing stack of things I don’t really need. It’s like cardio but in the end you get a pretty little peplum top. What I don’t love about shopping are the sales associates and the people. No you cannot help me “find what I need” I’m here twice a week, I could probably help you find what you need.
NOT NOW CHIEF, I’M IN THE ZONE.
Thankfully, a few years back when I was just a wee tot, JK actually like a tween, some genius said “hey…what if you could shop from your bed? Without the people?”
Beautiful. I’m in.
I never really shopped online much until I grew up and realized, I don’t really care for people or actually moving from my house to get things. Instead, I’d much rather curl up on the couch with my laptop and browse while sipping my chai latte. Recently my FedEx man John, my UPS man Rich, and my mailman Joe have brought to my attention that I average around 3-4 packages per week and that maybe, just maybe, I might have a problem (besides running out of closet space). Think you may be in the same boat? Nervous that you may have caught the online shopping bug?
Put down the credit card and check for these 12 signs:
1. Do you set multiple alarms for sales?
2. Do you consider setting things on fire when you miss out on that last pair of nude wedges?
3. When something isn’t available in your size, do you consider gaining/losing weight to fit into the next available size?
4. Have you ever felt personally victimized by the crashing of a website during a sale? (I’m looking at you Lilly P.)
5. Does your pulse race when you see the words “Free Shipping”?
6. Were you a casualty of The Great Target Hacking of 2013?
7. Do you ever close your eyes and hit “confirm order”?
8. Are you on a first name basis with the owners of your favorite little shops? Hi Jane and Terri!
9. When someone says “what’s your number?” do you immediately think of your credit card number?
10. Do you squeal with joy when you get a tracking number for your package and then proceed to stalk it via said number?
11. Are you as excited as I am for the possibility of packages being delivered via drone?
12. Did you manage to order something while reading this post? I did.
Online shopping is both a blessing and a curse; yes we can get the things we need without tangling with the huddle masses around the sale rack and yes it is much more comfy to checkout on the the couch instead of in an obnoxiously long line; but remember, it’s a slippery slope! Exercise caution when shopping and take it as a sign from the shopping gods themselves when something is sold out in your size. You may think you just have to have those hot pink aviators with the little rhinestones on the sides, but the universe may think otherwise.
Happy shopping kittens,
[Lead image via Shutterstock]