So lately I’ve been re-watching episodes of The Hills on repeat, obviously because my girl LC just got married. I don’t know what it is but around this time every year, I get really into re-watching The Hills. Season 2, when Heidi and Spencer start dating, just happens to be my least favorite. Spencer is the actual worst. And years later he is still the worst. While hindsight is always 20/20, I just can’t believe how manipulative he was the entire time.
He exhibited tons of red flags. Tons of them. And I’m just sorry that Heidi wound up manipulated by him. Yes, I realize that 90 percent of that show is fabricated. But where there are fictitious Heidi and Spencer, there is probably a real girl who can’t see what’s right in front of her. So this week I wanted to talk to you about red flags and what to do when they start waving.
An obvious red flag is any variation of a shirtless selfie, especially when taken in a mirror. The older a man gets, the less appropriate this photo becomes. A sixteen year old boy with a mirror selfie is easily forgivable We all were sixteen and stupid. A thirty year old man getting “swoll” at the gym with this photo? Watch out. Homeboy is probably a narcissist. Although narcissism isn’t the worst of all traits, you want a guy that is capable of loving more than himself.
One time I gave my number to a cute guy that I had met at the bar. That night he started BEGGING me to come over and stay the night with him. Like, slow your roll home skillet. We just met. When I refused it became “Send me a pic.” While I find that amount of desperation disgusting, some women are flattered. I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t be. Think about it. If he’s doing this with you, it’s very likely he’s done this before. This behavior begs so many questions. One, why is this guy so desperate? What is so “wrong” with him that he feels the need to be this pushy? Refusing to take no for an answer can also lead to more serious behaviors like emotional and physical abuse. I, personally, want a guy to respect my opinions and thoughts. If “Sorry, I have to get up early tomorrow” isn’t met with respect, he’s not particularly worth my time.
I also loathe when men get sexual too quickly. This is the most disgusting of all behaviors, and makes me feel like I need to get tested just for talking to a guy. It goes hand in hand with emotional desperation. But if a guy makes every conversation about sex, it’s likely that’s all he wants from you. It’s also likely he doesn’t respect women very much. Hear me out, I’ve known plenty of guys that could be considered womanizers. These guys aren’t the worst, because for the most part they understand how to talk to women. They like women. They just like them a little too much, I guess. Guys who make EVERYTHING about sex are just creepy. I’m not talking about a little playful banter, but guys should be at least granting women the courtesy of getting to know them a tiny bit. If he’s like, “What do you do for work?” Then you say, “Oh, I’m just finishing school.” His next response should never be, “I bet you’d be a great stripper with an ass like that.” Like…what? Just no.
Red flags are everywhere. They are easy to spot if you’re looking. Remember, the kindest way to let someone down that you’re no longer interested in is with the truth. Also remember that these are not true for every guy, but I’ve dated my fair share of cheaters, losers and emotionally damaged men to have a pretty good gauge for this kind of stuff.
Molly has a degree in journalism/English at a school you haven’t heard of in a state you haven’t heard of. She’s obsessed with Chandler Bing, English bulldogs, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @mollymahannah, or check out her website accordingtomolly.com.