Ben Affleck’s Penis Will Be In “Gone Girl.” Is This A Good Thing?

Do we want to see Ben Affleck‘s penis? Is this a thing that human women want to see? I have never thought about Ben Affleck’s dong. His dong is a dong that has . . . escaped my reverie.

When discussing Gone Girl, Ben talked about how director David Fincher wanted it to be a “warts and all” film. The characters, Nick and Amy, would have to be presented raw and fully to the viewer. Naturally this meant nudity and Ds.

“The penis is in there! It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D,” Ben Affleck told MTV. Even if for a brief moment, I don’t know if I am emotionally prepared to see Ben Affleck’s dong, meters long. The image may haunt me thenceforth!

I often imagine what many celebs would be like in bed. Not sexually but more along the lines of what would be consistent with their personality, you know?

I imagine that Seth Rogen wouldn’t stop making weird jokes the whole time; either you’d have to find it endearing or be very turned off. I imagine Idris Elba would have a lot of interesting essential oils and sheets with a high thread count. I imagine Rob Pattinson would smell a little like tuna. We know that Ryan Gosling is probably a crier.

But Ben Affleck . . . Mr. Affleck (and #NoDisrespectBenAffleck), I’ve never pondered what his sexual proclivities might be like because he seems so tepidly flavorless. Not good or bad but sort of like a bread roll. It’s not a bagel, it’s not French bread, but when your sandwich is on a bread roll you’re slightly more excited than when it’s just on toast (Nick Lachey), yet you’re never really craving a bread roll exactly.

Readers, I ask, I demand to know, is Ben Affleck someone you crush on? Do you know of people who “stan” for Ben Affleck? Who ship him with other celebrities and co-stars? People who are interested in him?

It’s important to mention that full frontal dong is historic. It’s no big deal to have a woman’s naked body on screen but rarely do men get equal nudity treatment on screen. There have been many “thinkpieces” on the disproportionate nudity on HBO shows like Game of Thrones and how it’s grossly unfair to demand that the female actresses expose themselves without ever holding the male actors to the same conditions. Women’s bodies have historically been treated as ornaments and objects for male desire. This wouldn’t be such an issue if it didn’t equate to women being reduced to ornaments and objects in real life.

If we’re going to insist that we see women through the male gaze then at the very least we should start seeing men through the female gaze. In doing so, in seeing both male and female bodies naked, this will not effectively degrade men but rather show the world that both men and women have both sexuality and agency. That these two things aren’t mutually exclusive. Plus, penises are goofy and make us laugh.

My point is whether or not I am interested in seeing Ben Affleck’s wee-wee doesn’t matter. What matters is that his penis is truly going to be a feminist moment regardless.

It’s not the dong we want, it’s the dong we need.

A Brief History Of Male Nudity In Pop Culture

[Via. Getty Images]

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