Exit Interview: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself After a Breakup

With every break up, even if you initiated it yourself, comes a myriad of shitty feelings. Even if the break up was the best decision you could have possibly reached, you’re going to feel sad, you’re going to have doubt, you’re going to feel like you’re missing something.
I find, the best way to deal with these feelings is to really examine the relationship, and yourself. Here are 5 important questions to ask yourself after a breakup, to remind yourself it was a good decision (or to let yourself know that it simply was not).
1. Was the relationship really as good as you thought? After a break up, you are going to focus on only the good. Regardless of how many fights there were, how many times he was late, how many important days he forgot—whatever the case may be—you will forget these things happened. It’s important to look at the relationship as a whole after a break up, or else you will lose your mind. Whenever you have those moments of weakness when you want to pick up the phone, just ask yourself if it was really as good as you thought it was.
2. What were the red flags you were (probably) ignoring? Maybe it’s a weird relationship with his mom. Maybe it was the way you fought all the time. Maybe it was that he was extremely mess. Maybe it was the way he would talk to some girls in a way that just didn’t sit right with you. Write all these down! Remind yourself there were things that you simply ignored, and maybe they shouldn’t have been. (Side note, if there were literally no red flags, maybe you should re-examine the break up. Trust me, there’s always something.)
3. Do you really miss them or just having someone? This is a tough one. Sometimes that emptiness you feel after a break up isn’t even for the specific person, it’s for any person. As hard as it is to pin point, try to figure out which it is. I also find it helps to have one friend that you are allowed to text at any point in the day or night (like you would your ex boyf) just to fill that void for the time being.
4. What other great things do you have in your life? Stop focusing on what you just lost, and get back to what else you have. Likely you’ve spent less time with your friends, less time at the gym, less time reading. Whatever it is, re-focus. Maybe write down a gratitude list each morning to allow yourself to focus on what you do have, rather than what you don’t.
5. What were you missing from the relationship? This may be the most important one to get you on to your next relationship. By noting what you were missing from this relationship, you’ll know when you need from your next. This may sound like insanely basic common sense—but you’d be surprised. Most of us have no idea what we want until we are in a relationship where we get a lot of what we don’t.
[Lead image via wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock]

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