The 6-Step Guide To Curing Chronic Bitch Face [CC Faves]

Bitch face is real. Bitch face is true. Bitch face can affect your daily life but you mustn’t give up; there is a cure! Bitch face is a chronic condition affecting millions of women all over the world. No matter culture, race or creed, bitch face can strike at any moment. Having a good time? Boom. Bitch face. Grocery shopping? Bam. Bitch face. At work? BAZONGOS. Bitch face. The face of a bitch can appear on your regularly normal looking face regardless of how you’re feeling. Many scientist believe celebrities like Kristen Stewart have rich inner lives with vast emotional spectrums but you wouldn’t know from looking.

Tired of having to reassure everyone you’re having a good time?

Tired of strangers telling you to smile more in public?

Tired of looking like an off-putting cold bitch at parties?

We’ve got a cure for you and your face that is unacceptable in society.

Step 1. Think about something happy that will make you smile like a nice, lovely penis.


Step 2. Pray to whatever deity you believe in so that she may relieve you of the stress in your life that makes your face look so bitchy.


Step 3. Cleanse. No one wants a dirty bitch face. Maybe your glowing skin will overshadow how much of a bitch you are.


Step 4. Men on the street will tell you to smile. Promptly tell their basic asses that there is not a goddamned thing on this planet to smile about short of putting their wack asses back in Beige Basic City where they belong.


Step 5. Don’t waste your time giving a shit about what other people think. The thing that’s going to  make you smile is literally not giving any shits about the limitations people want to place on you.


Step 6. No one will notice that you’re such a bitch if you go to places where your bitch face is suitable like a boring art show, a boring play, a boring comedy night or a boring movie. Finally, you’ve responded to a situation the correct way!



There, you’re cured. Yay, who cares? Go home and do whatever. No seriously, dudes don’t walk around smiling from ear-to-ear and no one tells them their tight upper lip and furrowed brows make them look bitchy. What’s up with that? Faces are faces. People need to get over it. 


[Images Via. Shutterstock]

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