Rolling out of bed post summer drinking, especially on a beautiful Monday like this one, can be um, difficult. Some hangovers leave you resilient and able to fulfill your usual morning routine, others leave us rushing out of the door, waking up in somebody else’s house or still a little too tipsy to look like anything but a hot mess. While these are a few totally normal hairstyles, they take on a whole new meaning when you are recovering from 5 tequila shots and 2 Chainz’s entire discography. All you need is a hair tie and a prayer.
The Crown Braid
“I don’t want my boss to know I’m ratchet as fuck.” You get an A+ for showing up looking like your fierce and fabulous self. Although you lost your favorite thong underwear, smell like a 5AM taco truck and don’t remember how you even got home last night, no one would be able to tell from the looks of it. You put all your effort into doing a messy, yet elegant, crown braid and did your make up in the office bathroom. Damn, homegirl, I am jealous of your swag.
The Fast And Loose
You literally came into work from the party or somebody else’s bed. But hey, it was a damn good party and you were looking fresh to death. You don’t have any of the necessary amenities to freshen up but instead of trying to hide your messiness, you wear it with pride and share the stories of your epic twerk adventures at the water cooler. Yeah, you might be falling asleep at your desk and yes, the humidity might be giving you added volume and yes, there’s a indiscernible stain on your shirt but what counts is that you made it to work on time . . . sort of. Just snort some aspirin and try to leave early today, bb girl.
You’re still hiding from your one night hookup and you can’t remember if he’s the guy from your morning class or the bartender with a strangely sex mustache. Shoving your hair into a hat, wearing big shades, and hiding behind your history text book isn’t conspicuous at all. Nope. No one notices.
The High Pony
You definitely did not wash your hurr. “Ugh. Whatever. Who even cares?” Is your life motto. It’s not like you’re trying to impress anyone today. If they can’t handle the fact that you didn’t wash your hair last night or the night before or the night before that, they can take it up with Obama. Start a petition, ’cause you have no fucks to give! Who has time for hair when you’re living your amazing life?
The Top Bun
You did your hair in the car or public transportation. You like to look good but you’re not really all that high maintenance. The simplest solution: the socially acceptable top bun. You don’t have to wash your hair to do it. You don’t have to have long hair to do it. You don’t need a lot of time to do it. All you need is a few spin pins and your reflection.