College Confessions: Pissed On, Pissed Off

 College Confessions

College Confessions is a new column where you can share your wildest moments with the world (anonymously, of course). If you want to contribute, email [email protected] This is one girl’s story. 

Sophomore year, I had been hooking up with a guy (who we’ll call Jason) for a few months. He was pretty cute and lived a few doors down, so you couldn’t beat the convenience. My roommate and I didn’t get along super well, but since she lived close to school and went home a lot, we usually took the drunken, late night action to my room.

One night as we were heading home from a party, I got the usual text from Jason (the mating call of white boys everywhere): “You up?” I was definitely trying to hook up, but I remembered my roommate had stayed this weekend and would be in my dorm. He said to just come back and we’d figure something out. Without anywhere else to go, we went to my room like normal and drifted off to sleep.

In the middle of the night, I felt Jason get up. I figured he was over trying to cuddle in a twin size bed and heading back down the hall to his own room. I listened for the door to open, but instead I heard the sound of water flowing. What the hell? I look up and Jason is standing there peeing. On my roommate’s desk. With her computer on it. While she slept two feet away.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: guys are lazy shits. I learned earlier in the year that when they felt the hike to the community bathroom was too much to bear, the boys would pee out of the windows into the woods behind the dorm. The window barely swiveled open enough to let a breeze in, but apparently it was enough space to do their business.

Jason hadn’t realized he wasn’t in his own room, and half-asleep, figured he’d take a piss out the window. Unfortunately for me, him, and my roommate, where the window was placed in his room was right where my roommate’s desk lived in mine.

I have never gotten out of bed so quickly. I shoved Jason and yell-whispered to stop, and he finally realized where he was and what was happening. Trying not to wake my roommate, we did a horrible job of trying to wipe up the mess. I was so mad I told Jason to leave and did what I could to clean in the dark. Not knowing what else to do, I went back to bed and fell asleep.

What I saw when I woke up was actually exhilarating. My roommate was sitting at her computer…and it was working. I was 90% I’d be paying for a new MacBook, so I couldn’t believe my eyes. I pretended to be asleep for the next two hours until she left.

That’s when I found a nice little note scolding me for “spilling drinks” on her desk. The incident definitely didn’t help our already rocky relationship…imagine if she ever found out what was really on her laptop. Sorry, girl!

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