When I signed up to go to school in the south I certainly didn’t think I was agreeing to anything that resembles winter. I pictured myself laying out in the middle of January and wearing cute sundresses year-round, not shivering in a jacket I bought in high school while wondering if it’s socially acceptable to panic-Amazon prime some snow pants.
Here’s the definitive list of why this cold snap that’s sweeping the nation is the absolute worst and needs to end as soon as humanly possible:
1. Our cold weather clothes are stuck at home
When it came time to make the choice between packing 18 million sorority t-shirts for big/little week and bringing back a jacket (crazy idea, I know) the choice was clear. But now that the weather has dipped bellow 70 and sunny? I’m stuck layering my least favorite (but warmest) mixer t-shirt over an ancient bid day frocket with a slight (okay, huge) rip in the arm.
2. Norts don’t shield against the cold (or anything, really)
I think we can all agree that real pants are the worst and sweatpants are flattering on approximately zero percent of the population. This unfortunate reality leaves us stuck wearing jeans to guard against the cold while our precious norts wait for warmer days.
3. Partying in the cold is overrated
We’ve heard of far off lands where people actually wear jackets to bars but we never thought we’d have to ditch our cute outfits in favor of actual pants and jackets. Call me an old lady but if my teeth chatter the moment I step outside my house I’d rather stay in with a pizza and peppermint schnapps-spiked hot chocolate.
4. Our houses aren’t heated
The little space heater that could isn’t going to cut it when it’s freezing at night. It’s time to bundle up with every blanket our neurotic parents warned us we might need (plus a bottle of wine) and pray for warmer days.
5. All of our cute clothes are taunting us
Every flattering top and sundress hanging in our closet is practically staring us down while we stuff ourselves into a jacket that gives us an Olaf-esque silhouette. Although it might make more sense to invest in a coat that actually fits, that would require admitting that we’re not going to magically wake up to beach-worthy temperatures.
6. It’s not cold enough for a snowsuit
You just know that everyone from schools where it actually gets below zero is making fun of how pathetic we all are. Cold here doesn’t hold a candle to a wind chill of 20 degrees bellow zero in the North East.
7. Our skin is in freak-out mode
Not only are we the palest we’ve ever been, but the cold is hell on skin. I guess there’s always the possibility of investing in some heavy-duty moisturizer, but that would take away from the wine and schnapps budget and we can’t have that, now, can we?
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