The 5 Stages of Social Media Stalking

Admit it: you stalk. We all do. When you meet a guy and talk to with him for a while, you’re definitely thinking, “Is he actually this normal?” or, “Who are his friends?” And, of course, the jackpot question: “Does he have a girlfriend?” Chances are you’ll get decent answers to those burning questions through creeping on all of his social media outlets.
Whatever app, website, or friend connection you use – you’re searching for something mutual and anything suspicious. Believe me, we’re not judging you – because we all have a system like this:
facebook

1. The search for a significant other on Facebook…

Let me make sure I spell his name right and/or can still remember it. 40 mutual friends – bingo.
Any signs of a girlfriend? Let me check out his profile pictures first… Now cover photos… What other pictures can I see?
He liked “Kate Upton.” He knows people can see that, right? And you know he’s friends with his grandma.
How long should I wait to friend him? No, wait, I’m going to play hard to get. I’ll wait for him to friend me… Unless he takes too long.

2. Does he seem like the type of guy to have an Instagram?

Is he going to be private? God, he’s making me work for this.
Public, hell yes. Let’s see what we got here… Who does he follow? Who’s this girl that keeps commenting on his pictures? It better be his sister. ~now stalk her until you’re 56 weeks deep~

3. Just try not to accidentally favorite anything…

Is he funny on Twitter? More importantly, is he normal?

4. Is it too soon for me to his best friend on SnapChat?

Would that be weird to add him? Too soon? I have to plan the timing out perfectly, but my makeup is perfect for a subtly slutty selfie right now.
He added me?! I’m so in.
Who are his best friends?
I need to make sure I don’t watch his story too early.

5. Google? No, don’t you dare resort to that…

But, it also couldn’t hurt…
[Images via Pinterest]
 

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