If it seems like couples are everywhere you look, it’s because they are.
That’s one thing that never changes: In high school they’re into PDA and movie dates; in college they drunkenly argue in front of their friends; in the ‘real world’ they move in together way too early. Regardless of where you are in your life, you’re likely surrounded by couples of both the happy and unhappy varieties.
There are few prototypes when it comes to collegiate couples – I can almost guarantee you’ve come in contact with at least one pair who falls into each of the categories. Which prototype is the most annoying? I’ll let you decide.
1. The PDA couple
They’re not only straight-up vulgar in public, (sloppy make outs, gratuitous butt grabs, incessant snuggling, the whole works) they also need to take every opportunity to tell the entire world how much they love each other. They seem to be the only two people who regularly post on each other’s walls (timelines, whatever) to communicate instead of, you know, texting like normal people do. They have definitely posted photographs of them kissing more than once. They definitely post pictures of each other for #MCM and #WCW. They hold hands under tables and one of them is usually perched on the other’s lap, even when there’s plenty of room to sit somewhere else (so uncomfortable.)
2. The couple who talks about their wedding all the time
You can barely get through five minutes with either of them before one of them mentions ‘the big day’ or casually mentions what they plan on naming their kids. They talk about the future in completely certain terms: When we get married, when we go on our honeymoon, when we have our first child. This would all be fine if this couple were engaged or approaching an engagement….but they’re not. Both of them will ask you whether or not you think you’ll marry whoever you’re seeing at the moment and act all superior when you, being a sane and practical individual, say you’re not sure. They’ll say they ‘knew right away’ with each other. They will almost certainly break up sometime either right before or right after graduation.
3. The on again, off again couple
This pair has two speeds: Glued to one another or hating each other’s guts. They’re the real life Jelena. They’ve broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count. Each breakup is ‘for real this time.’ She even plays “We Are Never Getting Back Together” on repeat for the entire week that they’re apart. Then out of nowhere one day, there it is – a picture of the two of them together on your Instagram feed like nothing ever happened. No one takes them seriously because this is just the couple equivalent of the boy who cried wolf.
4. The dysfunctional couple
Their fights are legendary. Everyone on campus knows that one time he poured a beer for ‘that stupid slut’ because she spends most Saturday nights loudly screaming about it on random street corners, shoes in hand and mascara running down her face. Every also knows that she cheats on him on the regs. These two are constant drama. You’ve never met two people who say more abusive, toxic things to one another. On a scale of one to crazy they vacillate between Chuck and Blair and the couple in the “Love The Way You Lie” video.
5. The married couple couple
Their Friday night plans usually include cooking and watching a movie. The weird thing is, they were both totally fun and down for whatever before they met one another. All of a sudden they got together and they both essentially fell of the face of the earth. You ask her to grab dinner and she ends up bringing him along. He’s gotten way more attractive because he never goes out anymore so his beer belly is totally gone. Unfortunately, you can’t even appreciate this because you never see him and when you do, he’s always wearing sweats. When you ask her what’s she’s doing tonight, she inevitably answers ‘we’re just staying in.’ There is no more him and her, there is only ‘we.’ Once in a while they’ll get super crazy and have date night at Olive Garden.