A Timeline of Your Typical Frat Party

frat party funny
Fraternity houses are where all your classic college ragers happen. They can be fun, but they come with a price. In fact, they come with many; like discomfort, obscenity, obnoxiousness, and drama. We love them, but at the time (especially if you’re clear-headed), we can hate them.
Frats – or as die-hard brothers would correct me, “fraternities” – embody the ultimate college scene. In turn, they create some of your ultimate college parties.

9:00 P.M.

I have to pregame. There is no way I’m walking into that filthy, sweltering house sober. I do not want to see you-know-who sober, because that sounds like the most awkward encounter.

10:30 P.M.

Alright, I’m here. What’s next? Ah yes – beer flying around, and girls wearing almost nothing, the clear mark of a freshman.

11:00 P.M.

WOW, IT IS HOT AS SHIT IN HERE. There are too many people. Maybe this was a bad idea.
Say hi to everyone you even somewhat know just to pass the time.
Okay, if I’m going to keep being this social I need more drinks. AKA – I need more of whatever that potent liquid is in that garbage bin.

 11:30 P.M.

Oh, would you look at that – my shoes are covered in dirt and alcohol. Delightful.
I really want to talk to [frat boy, name redacted] before we go.
~Grab your designated wingman and go to bathroom~
Listen, we have a mission.
Meanwhile, you notice that the bathroom lacks soap, toilet paper, and has empty Red Solo cups all over the sink.

12:00 A.M.

freshmen drinking
When are we leaving? Right, once the alcohol’s gone, and the crowd starts to spill out.

12:30 A.M.

If you must drink alone at a bar . . .
Ew, [frat boy] is going hard with some chick on the couch. Abort mission.
Maybe it’s time to go… I feel like it’s starting to get weird.
Your friend begs you to stay so she can talk to a guy.
Fine, I’ll stay with you so you can talk to him; but I’ll be posted right where I belong – next to the hot pledge working the keg.

1:00 A.M.

frat party college
That’s it. I’m done. I have sweat in all the wrong places and I haven’t even gotten close to talking to [frat boy].
I did succeed in smelling like smoke and beer though. Gotta love that after-frat-house smell.
[Images via Pinterest]

Amy Schumer Is a Super Big Mess in Trainwreck
Amy Schumer Is a Super Big Mess in Trainwreck
  • 10614935101348454