A few pregame shots, some beer at the party, and a couple rounds of flip cup – suddenly you’re not you anymore. Nope, you’ve turned into your drunk alter ego. While a person’s drunk alter ego is the fun and exciting life of the party, it also is a manipulative jerk at times. It somehow convinces you of a few things that sober you wants to just pretend never happened.
1. Your hair looks totally sexy all in front of your face like that.
2. Sticking you tongue out for pictures is so cute.
3. You know who you should text? Justin. Text Justin now.
4. He won’t notice those misspelled words.
5. You’re probably the best karaoke singer at this bar. Ever.
6. Open a tab, you can totally afford it.
7. You don’t look crazy dancing at all!
8. In fact, get up on that table!
9. No one saw you fall.
10. That bouncer is such a jerk for making you get down.
11. You should buy a round for everyone.
12. If you met Harry Styles in person, he’d definitely want to date you.
13. This DJ sucks. He needs your help.
14. I have no idea why the bouncer wouldn’t let you behind the DJ booth.
15. Your bra isn’t showing.
16. Your makeup looks fine. Like you just put it on!
17. Yeah, that hot guy is totally giving you the look.
18. So is his friend.
19. Everyone is like, in love with you.
20. As long as you tell them that you’re just being honest, no one will be mad you tomorrow. Don’t worry.
21. No, 230 seconds isn’t an excessive SnapChat story length.
22. Absolutely no one can tell how drunk you really are.
23. Maybe Justin didn’t get your text. You should call him.
24. He didn’t pick up? Leave a voice mail.
25. You’re beautiful and funny and just the greatest.
26. You won’t regret agreeing to run in the morning. You’re fine! You could run a 5K and come in first!
27. The bartender wishes he had more customers like you.
28. There’s that girl from your freshman floor! Go talk to her. Spill your soul. She wants to hear about all your problems.
29. No one will notice if you puke real quick.
30. Peeing on the street is totally okay.
31. You smell great. Flowery.
32. Go home with that guy!
33. Or actually, no. Go home and drunk eat.
34. Drunk calories don’t count.
35. Tell the cab driver your life story. He wants to know all about you.
36. You’re going to be super productive tomorrow!