9 of the Best & Funniest Amy Schumer Quotes

If there is any one person that has been killing the comedy scene lately, it’s Amy Schumer. But between her stand-up routines, acceptance speeches and hilarious skits on her show Inside Amy Schumer, she has quickly shown the world that she has a lot more to offer than just a few witty jokes here and there. Piece by piece, Schumer is seemingly making it her personal mission to pick a part our many problems as a society and address them head-on. From fat-shaming and body image, to gender equality and sexuality, there doesn’t seem to be any topic that is too sensitive or too offensive for Schumer.
Below are a collection of the most important pieces of advice, insight and humor Schumer has offered the world, showing us that she is someone that can not only make us laugh, but stop and think as well.

1. On the Haters

“I wrote an article for Men’s Health and was so proud, until I saw instead of using my photo, they used one of a 16-year-old model wearing a clown nose, to show that she’s hilarious. But those are my words. What about who I am, and what I have to say? I can be reduced to that lost college freshman so quickly sometimes, I want to quit. Not performing, but being a woman altogether. I want to throw my hands in the air after reading a mean Twitter comment and say, ‘All right! You got it. You figured me out. I’m not pretty. I’m not thin. I do not deserve to use my voice … All my self-worth is based on what you can see.’ But then I think, f— that.”

2. On Laughing & Living

“The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.”

3. On Determining Your Own Self Worth

“I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story – I will.”

4. On Doing Whatever the F*ck You Want

“I will speak and share and f*ck and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it. I stand here and I am amazing, for you. Not because of you. I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself.”

5. On Having a Vagina

“It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that its work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.”

6. On Facing Your Fears

“Boxing is like stand-up. Getting hit in boxing really made me feel stronger as a stand-up, because it’s like having your worst fears happen to you. That gives you power, because you’re no longer scared of it happening anymore. You got hit, and it hurt, but you’re okay.”

7. On Realistic Goals

“Tonight I had one goal, and that was to just be able to take my underwear off at the end of the night and have it not look like I blew my nose in it.”

8. On Being Her Real Self

“I’m not going to apologize for who I am and I’m going to actually love the skin that I’m in. I’m not gonna be striving for some other version of myself.”

9. On Her Weight… and Sex Life

“I’m probably like 160 pounds right now and I can catch a d*** whenever I want. That’s the truth. It’s not a problem.”
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