Picture this. It’s Friday morning and you’re brutally hungover from your go-to bar’s dollar liquor night (only in college). You’ve already used all of your energy changing from the clothes you went out in the night before to an outfit that makes you look more like a functioning human (most likely consisting of Nike shorts and an extra large t-shirt that could comfortably fit a Biggest Loser contestant). After asking yourself why you woke up next to an empty pizza box, you’ve basically expired all of your energy for the day. But wait! You forgot that you and your ex take the same route to class. You hit the large red panic button but then remember that only happens in dreams/on broadway and then actually start to panic.
But don’t fret, we’ve got you covered. Here are a few ways to avoid your ex on campus:
1. Always wear sunglasses.
Even if they’re the ones he/she bought you for your birthday and asked for them back after you broke up so they could sell them on Ebay. Always wear sunglasses.
2. Constantly have headphones on.
Even if you’re not listening to anything, it makes you look wildly unapproachable and oblivious to the world around you. Perfection.
3. Take the scenic route.
Regardless of that fact that you’re already 17 minutes late for class and the shortcut cuts off five minutes. No one goes the long way, and I’ll bet your out-of-shape ex isn’t going to want to either.
4. Pull a Caitlyn Jenner.
And by this I mean, look like a completely different person. Don’t just tie your hair up and wear a hat. Have wigs on hand at all times or even pull a Britney Spears and just shave it all off. Actually, don’t do that. Settle for the wigs.
5. Wear camo.
This isn’t to blend into your surroundings, though. It’s to completely throw off your ex because normally, you wouldn’t be caught dead in camo on campus.
6. Join a campus tour group when you see him/her approaching.
Start asking questions like, “Oh, so this is the center of campus? Do students hang out here in between classes?” You’ll fit right in.
7. Book it.
Remember those glory days in middle school when you broke the record for the fastest 40 yard dash? Channel your inner 7th grade track star and RUN like you’re not lying to yourself and actually did break the school record for the 40 yard dash.
8. Hibernate for the winter.
…and maybe the summer, fall, and spring for good measure.
9. Avoid dating in general.
Save yourself the hassle.
