Twenty-one. The big 2-1. Twenty-fun. It’s pretty much the only birthday that changes your life in any dramatic fashion, so naturally the celebration is the biggest. Take it from someone who spent her birthday lunch at Olive Garden with her parents so hungover that the faint smell of wine from the next table over was enough to send me running to the bathroom to redeposit way too much pink Andre (and tequila and beer and vodka) – there are ways to spend your 21st birthday and things to definitely avoid.
1. Don’t take 21 shots
You are literally at your prime when it comes to drinking. After all, no one can drink like a 21 year old better than someone who is under 21 (fact). You might rebound from hangovers easily and regularly pregame with ten shots of cheap vodka, but not even a 250 pound alcoholic dude comes away from 21 shots without praying to whatever god he believes in to be taken from this Earth.
2. Don’t mix liquors
Every time I play the role of mom friend to a girl who has her head in the toilet, I find that she’s usually there due to one of two scenarios: either she didn’t eat before going out or she drank a combination of two rum and cokes, three beers, one shot of vodka, and another mixed drink containing nobody knows what. Friends will probably want to buy you drinks, but pick your poison and do your best to stick to it…and eventually switch over to beer.
3. Don’t forget dinner
See above.
4. Don’t even think about wearing new shoes
I know, I know – you just bought these sparkly stilettos that practically scream “Birthday Girl” to onlookers and you probably are thinking, “I’ll be so drunk I won’t even notice the intense pain in my feet.” However, you will notice. And take them off. And leave them at the club. And walk across the parking lot barefoot only to step in glass. That’s worst case scenario, but just make sure you pick comfy shoes. You’ll have enough trouble standing as is.
5. Don’t go out with underage friends
The whole point of your 21st is to celebrate not having worry about the bouncer taking your fake ID, but it’s going to be a total downer when half your group is rejected at the door. If your besties are still babies, plan a birthday dinner or pregame with them, but head out to the club with your legal friends.
6. Don’t forget the birthday tiara
How else are strangers supposed to know they’re supposed to buy you drinks and wish you a happy 21st? Sure, you hate it when you see other chicks running around the party like they own they place on their birthday, but who cares? You’re the star for the night.
7. Don’t expect your friends to spend a ton of money
Yes, it’s your big day, but it’s not worth hundreds of dollars to your friends. The year when I turned 21, all my friends wanted to go to Atlantic City for the night. This meant paying for a hotel room, gas to make the hour drive, $40 cover for the club, money on gambling, plus outfits, and gifts. It was exciting at first, but the double digits in my bank account quickly stopped me from attending many of these adventures. Try to find something somewhat affordable (but still special and epic) – the easiest thing to do is call the club, let them know you have a group coming for a birthday, and see if they can accommodate you with reduced admission.
8. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend to DD
Pro tip: plan a way to get home before you even leave the pregame. When you’re 11 drinks deep, getting a ride home from that rando dude doesn’t sound like a bad idea (it is). Save some cab company numbers in your phone or make sure you have a sober friend to get you back. You can return the favor for her next bday (or next weekend…you’ll probably still be hungover anyway).
9. Don’t pay for anything
It’s your birthday. That means strangers are supposed to buy you shots and friends are supposed to cover your 3 am pizza.
10. Don’t drink too much at the pregame
You’ll totally miss out on the thrill of being a full-fledged adult if you can’t even make it out to the bar. Those birthday shots will sneak up on you, but remember that it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
11. Don’t be shy about talking pictures
It’s probably the only way you’re going to piece the night together, so Snapchat away. Plus, you can’t waste this outfit. But probably take a bunch early so they are at least acceptable to put up on Facebook.
12. Don’t waste your time on semi-friends
Don’t feel guilty about not inviting that girl you sorta kind of know through another friend. This night is about being surrounded by people who are going to have fun with you.
13. Don’t bother with guys either
While most nights out are spent trying to talk to hotties, you’re probably not going to meet your future hubby when you’re blacked out on your first legal drinks. It’s a good night to worry about dancing with the girls, which leads me to my next Don’t…
14. Don’t expect birthday sex
In all likelihood, your drunk ass will pass out before you even get to your bed.
15. Don’t text your ex
You will feel pretty invincible right around the 12:30 am mark, but for everyone’s sake, don’t do it. In fact, it’s probably a good idea to hand your phone over to a responsible friend to avoid temptation and the risk of losing your iPhone. Don’t worry – those birthday wishes will still be there in the morning (or afternoon) when you wake up.
16. Don’t be afraid to use your powers for good
Yes, being the birthday girl does give you magical powers for the night. The bartender will be paying extra attention to you and the DJ might give you a shoutout while he moves your request to the top of the playlist. If your friends are struggling to get the bartender’s attention or the dance floor is dead, it’s your time to shine.
17. Don’t NOT dance
Dance. Dance a lot. Dance like no one is watching and all those other cliche phrases. The best nights always involve dancing.
18. Don’t die
This should be pretty obvious, but it’s worth the reminder. Alternatively, don’t end up in the hospital or police station. Plenty of good stories don’t have endings in these places.
19. Don’t neglect to call your parents first thing in the morning
They’re probably wondering if they still have a daughter. Besides that, your birthday was a pretty big day for them too. Let them be among the first to wish you a happy birthday and tell them you love them.
20. Don’t feel guilty about your night
Everyone goes a little overboard when they turn twenty one. No matter how bad you were, there have been way worse. Apologize to your friends for holding your hair back for half the night, but know that you will get payback soon enough.
21. Don’t make plans for your actual birthday until at least 1 pm
Call out of work now. Make it a birthday dinner instead of a birthday brunch with your fam. And definitely plan on skipping class no matter what time it starts.
