So, you finally decide to suck it up and invest in a manicure/pedicure after weeks of staring at your neglected hands/feet. The idea of not having fingernails that resemble a rugged construction worker’s and toenails that don’t look like Reese Witherspoon’s in Wild seems far-fetched yet luckily somewhat obtainable by going to your local nail salon, hooray! But what about the thoughts that go through your mind while sitting in that massage chair (setting on “rolling, full back” of course) and sucking on that Dum Dum lollipop? I bet you can relate to a few of these.
1. I don’t think I want another human seeing these callused, blistered feet.
2. Why do I always wear closed-toed shoes for pedicures? I’m going to get yelled at in a foreign language.
3. The water is burning my feet.
4. Okay, now it’s lukewarm.
5. How badly will I be judged for getting my fourth lollipop?
6. I wonder what they’re saying behind my back in Vietnamese. Wait, what language is it?
7. I should have picked the color the woman next to me got.
8. Speaking of, why does she keep making direct eye contact with my big toe?
9. Wow, I didn’t realize how much skin was capable of being cut off of my cuticles.
10. These nail women are saints for touching the eighty year old lady’s feet next to me. That’ll be me someday.
11. Why do these heavenly foot massages last for only 30 seconds? I demand a refund.
12. How am I so entertained by this soap opera love triangle on TV? She can’t marry him…he killed her husband!
13. I wonder if these mothers next to me know I’m eavesdropping on their children’s soccer team drama.
14. How much longer do I have to dry my nails for? Will my nail lady notice when I try to sneak out before this drying cycle is over?
15. …She noticed. Five more minutes to dry.
16. Now I have to somehow get money out of my purse without wrecking my nails.
17. Why don’t I ever think to take my money out before I get my nails painted?
18. Uhh…how do I let her know that I just wrecked a nail while trying to scrounge around my purse for a tip?
[Lead image via Shutterstock]