Every encounter I’ve had in a fitting room where it’s me versus a romper has ended in a loss for me. Maybe it’s because I’m 5′ 10″ and no matter what size I try on, the bottom half of the romper ends up wedged up my ass, but no. Upon further thought on the matter, I’ve come to the conclusion that rompers are just terrible. They’re like sundresses’ ugly step-sister – they might look similar but without any of the benefits (that breeze!).
I don’t know when baby outfits became fashion inspiration, but it needs to stop. Here’s why.
1. They’re tricky little devils.
On the rack (or Taylor Swift), they look so cute. You think, “Wow. I get to wear shorts without bothering to dig through my closet and find a shirt that matches” or “These are like sundresses you can actually bend over in!” You take it to the Forever 21 dressing room where you realize you have been deceived while the romper laughs evilly.
2. Wedgies in rompers are approximately six times worse than regular wedgies.
It’s like a camel toe-wedgie hybrid for which there is no name and is only caused by this summer staple. Approximately 25% of your entire ensemble has crawled its way into the unknown. How does that make you feel?
3. It’s called a romper.
What does that even mean?
4. Going to the bathroom is mission impossible.
You better hope the line isn’t too long because it’s going to take a few minutes to figure out how to get that contraption off of your person without letting everything hit the floor. How girls wear these at music festivals and concerts where the only option to urinate is a porta-potty is beyond my realm of understanding.
5. And everyone behind you in the bathroom line is going to hate you.
You’re only taking six hours in there. It’s fine. No one else at this bar has to pee.
6. Not to mention, it’s disgusting.
Unless you’re into stripping down to your underwear in public bathrooms.
7. They simply don’t work on most body types.
Unless you’re Heidi Klum and can afford a custom fitting, these things aren’t going to fit you in some one way or another. If you’re tall, I hope you like wedgies and showing the world your butt cheeks. My friends with short torsos will find the romper bunches in the middle and giving the appearance of a belly. So much chafing if you have big thighs or a booty. Have big boobs? Prepare for that nip slip.
8. You look like a giant child.
I’m a proud owner of a Wonder Woman onesie, mostly for joke purposes. However, why would anyone look at a clothing piece made for toddlers who still rock diapers and say, “I think women should be able to wear these too”? Then why would any girl actually purchase and wear them?
9. Your guy is going to have to really work to get in your pants.
You can’t look sexy taking off a romper. You just can’t. Most dudes struggle hard enough trying to unbuckle your belt, so good luck with a full body suit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gives up half way, grabs his coat, and walks out screaming “It’s not worth it!”
10. There is literally no valid reason TO wear them.
They’re cute? They’re trendy? Both of these are highly debatable, yet they’re the only two things I can even imagine someone might use as a reasoning for wearing these contraptions. Do yourself a favor and get a sundress.
If you still feel like giving the romper a chance to disappoint you and ruin your dreams, check out these options.