People who get back together with their exes often get a bad rep, but for every Scott-and-Kourtney disaster story (still not over it), there’s a Ross-and-Rachel scenario featuring a couple who comes back stronger than ever after some time apart.
I happened to get back together with an ex about 2 years ago and guess what? We just set a date for our wedding. Sometimes a breakup just gives you a sense of clarity, makes you realize how important the other person is, and forces you to get it together and make it work once and for all.
With that being said, there are certain things you should always consider when you think about taking back an ex – these five questions are (IMHO) a great place to start.
1. Was my life better or worse when we were apart?
Granted, a breakup is never easy, so this question can be really tough to answer. Really think about how you feel, though. Is your self esteem higher when you’re apart? Do you feel less stressed than you did when you were in the relationship? Did you feel relieved after the breakup? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, you might want to rethink jumping back into things.
2. Do we truly trust each other?
I’ve found that trust is the one thing you can’t work on in a relationship. You can fix communication issues, you can reverse weird habits that annoy each other, you can arrange to spend more or less time apart – but trust? Like chemistry, if it’s not there, it’s not there. And I would argue that trust actually ranks even higher than chemistry in terms of important things every relationship must have.
3. Is the thing that caused us to break up still a huge issue?
If you split because of something like distance, immaturity, or confusion, you’re probably in the clear if you were able to fix the situation. If it’s something like, say, completely different political views or whatever, think about it: Could you get over the issue? If so, work like hell to do it. I truly believe that if you really love someone, you can find a way to make it work.
4. Am I just doing it because I’m lonely?
This is the big one. It’s totally natural to want to be with someone – anyone – because you’re lonely. Maybe all your friends are paired up or maybe your parents are pressuring you to find someone. Still, you should never enter a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. You’re too good for that! If there’s someone who you truly want to be with, it’s wonderful. If not? It’s just a waste of time. If you ended things because you just didn’t really enjoy each others’ company, well…you already know the answer to this one.
5. How do your friends and family feel about it?
Sometimes the people closest to you can see things you can’t. Maybe you were with someone who didn’t respect you enough or was cheating. Maybe you were even in an abusive relationship (and if so, please, please ask for help.) If your family and friends have serious reservations about the relationship, maybe there’s something wrong there. At the end of the day, you have to make the choice that’s right for you – but sometimes it’s a good idea to consider other factors.