Shout out to all the ladies out there who would rather just stay in than go out when wearing flats (or worse, flip flops. Or even worse, sneakers.) I feel you girls. And because I feel you, I’ve decided to put the thoughts of fearless stiletto-sporting ladies everywhere into words. Behold – a timeline of what goes through your head on a night that you decide to break out those new five-inchers.
9:00 pm: The dilemma.
What dress would look better with those new cute strappy heels I bought last week? The short black dress? Or the really short black dress?
9:15 pm: The decision.
Oh, who am I kidding? Everyone knows the answer to that question is “the really short black dress.”
9:30 pm: The full look.
Wait. These heels make this dress look next level. Look at my LEGS!
9:45 pm: The break in.
Oh, yaknow, just listening to Pitbul while strutting around my room in the new heels. They like, barely hurt.
10:00 pm: The pregame.
My roommate made me take off my heels for the pregame because apparently I need to save my feet for when we’re actually out. What does she know?
10:45 pm: The exit.
Everyone is ready to leave but I’m staring at myself in the mirror because my whole outfit looks so good. I look hot. My legs are amazing.
11:00 pm: The entrance.
I feel so tall. And confident. Heels make me feel confident.
11:30 am: The dance floor.
I’m really good at dancing in heels. Just as long as I don’t move my feet, but it’s cool. I look great bouncing up and down and moving my arms around.
12:00 am: The dance off.
How is that girl able to move her feet so fast? Oh. It’s because she’s barefoot. Gross.
12:30 am: The pain.
If my roommate asks I’m going to lie but….my feet are starting to hurt.
1:00 am: The extreme pain.
WHY ARE THERE NO OPEN SEATS AT THIS BAR? I JUST WANT TO SIT.
1:30 am: the agony.
Like…how dirty is this floor? If I take off my shoes will I catch some sort of disease?
1:45 am: The surrender.
I’m barefoot and I’ve never been happier.
2:00 am: The exit.
UGGGGHHHH I have to put my shoes back on so we can walk out of here. THE PAINNNNN.
2:05 am: The fall.
Well, that was embarrassing. Next weekend, I’m wearing flats.