Currently, I’m staring at my computer screen in Starbucks, drinking my grande iced non-fat caramel machiatto with a shot of help-me-get-my-act-together. I know, I’m a very unique college girl. (Did I mention I love the fall and wear yoga pants frequently? I know, I’m getting more unique by the second.) After physically and painfully removing my eyeballs off of the ten different tabs I have open for online shopping, I look over at the cup of coffee with ice melting that I’ve taken two sips of. That money could probably go to more beneficial things, like donating to third world countries so that they can have running water or buying a shot tonight at the bar. Both great investments. But, I’ll admit it, I’m a Starbucks addict just like half of the American population and it’s time we discuss some of the things going through the average person’s mind while at this crazy place that I willingly fork over half of my weekly pay to.
1. Is this place even open? It’s so dark. I feel like I’m in a medieval chamber. Oh God, Abercrombie & Fitch flashbacks.
2. Let’s see if I have any rewards on my Starbucks card…yeah, didn’t think so.
3. Even the dogs waiting outside are hipster. I think one is wearing Ray Ban eyeglasses.
4. That cake pop is literally calling my name.
5. Wow, that man’s skinny jeans just gave me a way too detailed image. That cannot be comfortable.
6. They 100% intentionally spell my name wrong at this point. Delilah always gives me the stink eye when she works the morning shift.
7. No, my name is not Alyssa. It’s Alex-A. Alex with an “a.”
8. I think I deserve a croissant this morning to get me through this traffic…and a frapp.
9. I’m 95% sure all of the workers at Starbucks play instruments and go to poetry readings.
10. How did I just pay $5.12 for something that will be gone in less than three minutes?
11. This music is pretty good though. Seriously, who puts together these playlists?
12. I mean, I did say no whipped cream but since they put it on…don’t mind if I do.
13. And now I’m going to have to spend an extra hour in the gym working that off.
14. Why is this coffee dripping allover me like it just went through a carwash?
15. Okay, today’s the day I’m going to buy the Sam Smith album that I’ve been eyeing at the cash register for a month.
16. Dammit, I just said “medium” at Starbucks. This is so awkward, they’re going to know I’ve been cheating on them with Dunkin’ Donuts.
17. Is that person famous or homeless reading the first Harry Potter book in the corner?
18. Wow, Oprah’s face on her chai tea latte advertisement is really glowing. She looks so warm and happy, kinda like a cute African American grandma I always wanted.
19. When I grow up, I want to be as chill as someone who works here.
20. Ugh, they’re all out of small straws, now I have to use the large ones.
21. If only my neck was 4x longer so this tall straw felt right.
22. I can’t believe those two old ladies took my designated seat in the corner with the big comfy chair and perfectly sized side table.
23. Would it be frowned upon to kick them out? Yes? Oh well, doing it anyways.
24. Ha…the girl behind me has been watching me Facebook stalk my ex and his girlfriend for 10 minutes now.
25. I guess I should probably leave after wasting two hours sitting in here…