Regardless of what you do, where you shop, as a short girl–fashion never comes easy. The regular women’s department is far too large and the petite section somehow is still too big for you. Everything’s always too baggy or it’s bunching up in weird places. Where your waist is supposed to be, it never is. The “short” length jeans are still too long for you. Somehow that mini skirt became a midi skirt and you’re ready to set the dressing room ablaze. It’s almost as if fashion designers are trying to “survival of the fittest” you out of the fashion world.
Maybe the answer is just to go out naked.
1. Jumpsuits—no matter how cute—will never work.
I cannot count the number of times I have walked into the mall with the mission to buy a jumpsuit, only to find that half of it was bunched up beneath my feet. Now the damn thing is covered in…floor dust? And I need to get out of this store IMMEDIATELY.
2. Over-sized sweaters are a no-go.
No matter how comfy, no matter how cozy—you cannot wear the oversized sweater out of the house. All of the extra fabric threatens to take you down and drown you in a sea of cotton blends and sadness.
3. Jeans are always cuffed, whether you like it or not.
I swear, I’m not really a hipster with this constant cuffed look—I just really have no other choice.
4. Without the jeans cuff, you learned the hard way.
Your brand new $50 jeans are currently very good friends with the abrasive sidewalk—and now extremely torn and destroyed.
5. Wouldn’t it be nice if those pants were actually $25? Incoming $15 tailoring cost. Aren’t we feeling blessed.
6. Heels are your best friend.
Five inches of wooden heel and uncomfortable plastic glued to your feet later—you can now see over the counter to order your coffee.
7. Maxi dresses accidentally turn into a summery “wedding dress-esque” nightmare.
Yes, I’m fully aware that the dress is supposed to be long, but I don’t really think that half of the dress should be a half-mile behind me.
8. Tripping. Falling. Dying.
Because your dress is inappropriately “train-ing” behind you, you’re now face down in the dirt because you did not want to pay the $15 tailoring fee. Are bruises fashionable? Is this one in the trending summer colors?
9. Shopping online? If only.
A 5’11” model wearing a size small does not really help any short girl shop properly online. Back to the mall, it seems.
10. Capris? Did you mean pants?
Any short girl knows that the capri pant is not going to fall at the calf like it’s supposed to.
11. Floppy. Sleeves.
Short sleeves? ¾ sleeves. ¾ sleeves? Regular sleeves. Regular sleeves? FLOPPY SLEEVES.
And then you get that stupid sleeve hole where your thumb perfectly fits through. I’m sorry, is it 2006 again?
12. Thigh high boots????
These damn things come up so far on your leg that they’re arguably pants now.
13. Baggy leggings.
How is it that something that is supposed to be body-clinging and tight is BAGGY? Why must you bunch up at my ankles like a confused accordion?
14. Rompers? LOL.
The waist never falls where your waist is and now you have some odd pouch at your stomach. Maybe you can store snacks in there.
15. One size fits all? Yeah, okay.
“YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF FILTHY LIARS!” you cry as you struggle to find the way out of the piece of clothing. There’s so much extra cloth—will you ever see the light of day again?
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