10 Ways A College Student Is Exactly Like A Toddler

When you’re 18 years old and first move to college, you’re not exactly as grown up as you think you are. Reflecting back on my glory days, I have spent a number (bordering too many) of perfectly good Fridays too hungover to function and avoiding phone calls from my parents. Is it supposed to be my fault that I can pick my own schedule and skip classes whenever I want? Because homework is hard, and I don’t want it! And how can we forget our sheer disdain for authority? Raise your hand if you broke most of the rules your RA set out for you, because I can guarantee I will not be playing with you on the playground if you didn’t. See? You and your 2-year-old cousin aren’t so different after all.

1. Schedule

schedule gif
You have classes, eat lunch, and go to the gym at the same times every week. You know when your parents are available to deal with your moaning and when all the happy hour specials are.

2. Impulse Control

girls shopping
College-aged women walk through malls, see something shiny, and they want it. College-aged men walk through malls, see someone looking at something shiny, and they want it. I bet they’ll throw a tantrum if they have to work to hard to get it too.

3. Nap time

Ever just pass out whenever you felt like it? Because what’s a responsibility?

4. Mealtime

Buffet style cafeterias are open invitations to grab whatever random object that is within reaching distance and stuff it into your mouth hole.

5. Playtime

guys playing video games gif
Where smashing your Xbox controller is not unlike going on a Lego rampage and storming off down the hall to get a bottle.

6. Making Friends

Where you sit around drooling on your selfs after trading services. Play-doh for the nerf gun is almost as good a trade as two cans of Natty Ice for two slices of pizza.

7. Laundry

Hahahahahahahahaha. …Mom?

8. Snow Days

snow day
You have run outside in your birthday suit because your friends were doing it. It must have something to do with all that boxed wine you’re still holding like a juice box.

9. Injury Management

guy gets hurt on playground fail
I cracked my head open against the doorframe one night and I’m fine but got really upset those few times I burnt my fingers trying to spark the…I mean playing with candles.

10. Life Management

toddlers and tiaras smile
The reason your mom likes your best friend so much is because they’ve both cleaned you up, changed you, and put you to bed after you barfed all over yourself and cried.

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