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Even the most social and outgoing girls can sometimes feel like their love life has fallen into a bit of a rut. This is nothing to panic about – it is a normal and reparable problem, if you are willing to work at it. Before you relinquish yourself to a life alone and start acquiring cats, check out these 5 mistakes that could be getting in your way and how to fix them.
1. You are going to the same places.
We have all been there – it is tempting once you find a spot you like to keep going there and never vary your routine. This holds true with everything, from only going to your favorite bar or coffee shop, to only working out on your favorite treadmill, to only sitting in your favorite seat in class. It is an easy trap to fall into and is totally understandable – you have found something you like so why switch it? The problem with this behavior is it isolates your social interactions solely to the people whose paths you cross on a regular basis. If you haven’t met a cute guy at the bar you have been frequenting for the last three months, it is a fairly safe assumption that you are not going to for the next three months. Sure it’s not impossible – Mr. Right could wander in at minute, but you will have a much better chance of meeting new and interesting people by going to new and interesting places. Stop waiting for him to come to you and go find him.
2. You always hang out with the same people.
I know what you are thinking: it is one thing to talk yourself into trying out a new place, but talking all your friends into joining you can be quite another. This can be especially true when your bff is crushing on the bartender at your go-to spot or is obsessed with this one cocktail or isn’t as adventurous as you. Regardless, THIS IS OKAY. Not only should you being going different places, you should be trying to meet different people there. Grab a drink with that cool girl in your chem class who seems like a sweetheart or the guy who lives across the hall that is always inviting you out. New people have new friends and acquaintances that they will introduce you to. You never know who you are going to meet.
3. You are unapproachable.
Going out with a big group of people has its appeal – you never have to stand there awkwardly with no one to talk to and get to socialize and have fun with all your friends. The problem is that if you go out with a ton of people and spend the entire night with them, you are giving off the signal to everyone else at the bar that you are not available. If you think about it from the guy’s perspective, it is hard enough to talk to one girl. Trying to talk to a group of five of can be just too intimidating. I’m not saying you have to go out by yourself every night (although if you are feeling ballsy you can and should do this), but try keeping it to one or two girlfriends and make sure to start chatting people up that you meet there.
4. You are turning down potential dates because you are not sure if you like them.
My motto has always been that saying no to one date is saying no to dating. You don’t have to marry the guy, sleep with him, or even hold his hand if you don’t want to, but it is worth giving him a chance, even if it’s only an afternoon coffee. Maybe this guy is funnier or more charming then you initially thought he was and you end up liking him. Alternatively, maybe he isn’t, but he does introduce you to his cousin who is totally your type and you two hit it off. Either way, you are far more likely to meet someone you like while out on a date then you are sitting at home in your PJs.
5. You are afraid to step out of your comfort zone.
What all of these tips come down to is that the reason you aren’t meeting new people (aka hot guys) is that you are afraid to leave your comfort zone, including but not limited to friends, people, places, activities, class, etc. Leaving your comfort zone can be uncomfortable which is why you want to stay there it is the only way to improve your life. Do something every day that scares you (or at least makes you a little uncomfortable).
