Let’s have a moment of honesty here: more often than not, guys aren’t the best when it comes to fulfilling all of your desires and fantasies in the bedroom. While they may have the best intentions at heart, a lot of the times they fall short on execution. Contrary to what may be a popular belief, not every grope, feel, bite, or lick gets us going. But whether it’s your boyfriend, husband, or a casual hook up, it isn’t always easy to articulate that in a way he can understand and act out. You don’t want to be rude, but you want him to get it right. That’s understandable; after all, you deserve to get yours too. So relax – here are seven, sneaky ways to get all that you need from your partner in bed. After these tips, you’ll wonder why you ever needed to fake it in the first place.
1. Guide his hands
This comparison should come as no surprise, but a friend of mine once told me guys are like puppies (sorry, guys!); you have to train them and guide them in the right direction. This leads to the first tip: guide his hands to victory. Placing your hand gently over his, softly lead it around your body, making sure to hit all of your favorite and most sensitive areas. It won’t be a challenge because he’ll already want to his hands all over you. But this way, you will create a map of your hot spots that will come in handy for later.
2. Make noise
Sometimes all it takes is a little noise to express your satisfaction. I’m not saying get in bed and scream your head off at everything going right – that may come off as a little crazy. But if you like it, moan, scream, or yell about it. It’s the sneakiest way to give feedback without verbally talking about it and ruining the mood. Believe me, he’s listening for those sounds and unconsciously acting accordingly. And remember, that goes both ways. If you don’t like it, fall silent. Don’t waste your breath on things that don’t get you where you need to be. Besides the fact that making noise for nothing is just tiring, it produces a bad habit as well. Only make noise for the good stuff.
3. Take control
Not everyone is a dominant in the bedroom, and that makes perfect sense. Sorry to sound like the next Star Wars sequel, but ladies, we have the power to control our own destiny. And some times when mapping out your body or going mute doesn’t work, you have to take control of the situation. Taking control doesn’t have to be blunt or aggressive though. It’s as simple as initiating the foreplay, mounting him, and angling your body in the right position so that both of you can have an enjoyable experience.
4. Play the “nice” teacher
While it may be similar to the first step, it’s a bit more verbal. Think of the first teacher you ever thought was attractive, and then after you get that idea out of your head (because it’s kind of weird to crush on your third grade teacher), come up with a lesson plan or instructions for your guy. No, do not actually write out instructions or waste your time making up rules. Instead, come up with some fun and constructive tips that he can use. Note what feels nice or where he can go a little softer. Who knows, this tip might be the beautiful beginning to a night of role play.
5. Use your hands as a guide
Take his hands out the equation. Now just use your own hands. You know your body best. So while he’s hovering over you, this is a good time to show him what you want and where you want it. I like to imagine a bright light illuminating every point you’ve touched. Of course, there’s not a glow-in-the-dark feature on your body, but touching yourself is another great guide to getting what you need.
6. Watch porn together
This tip isn’t for everyone. If you don’t like porn, sex tapes, or any of that stuff, don’t bring it into your bedroom. But for those who would like to take Netflix and chill to the next level, watch something sexy that you can both enjoy. More importantly, watch something that captures all the stuff you want done to you. For all the visual learners out there, this is almost a guarantee to get it right. And after it’s over, ask him if he would like to try it in real life.
7. Tell him what you want
When nothing else works, spell it out for him. For my awkward girls, I get it; it’s hard to tell him what you want, especially in a way that is more sexy than intimidating. But let’s woman up here. You want something different, and he needs to know that. Tell him where to put his lips or when move on to another spot. Starting something off with, “that was bad, I want this” is obviously not the way to go about it. Get what you want from him by pointing out the areas he missed or telling him to go back to the areas that really got you going. He’ll appreciate your directness.
Not every tip will be a slam dunk, and that’s okay. Test them out, see which ones work, and which ones you feel comfortable with. The point is to be polite, sly, and honest. You know what you want, now it’s his turn to know too. And once something seems to catch on, you’ll see it was much worth the effort.