The most important don’t of all? Don’t skip out on foreplay. Since you’re here, I’m guessing you know that already.
If you want to ensure a great night in bed, really get into the benefits of sexual foreplay. Think of great sex as a full-course meal – and I really mean great sex, not that mediocre stuff you’ve convinced yourself is good. First there’s foreplay (the appetizer), then the ‘real deal make-you-squeal’ part (the main course), and finally the ‘one last quickie before we knockout’ (dessert). Foreplay is essential to getting things going for a phenomenal ending. If you really want to enjoy that climax, here’s what not to do during foreplay.
1. Don’t ask me anything.
If you really want to know who my cookie belongs to, it’s me – not you. Even though you’ve seen it on movies, it’s really not sexy for you to ask questions while engaging in foreplay. You don’t want to be silent, but think of ways to communicate without saying actual words. This could be facial expressions, a soft moan here or there (which is always a win, in my opinion), and if you must talk, whisper it into her ear. The thing about a man whispering into a woman’s ear is that it turns us on even if you say, “Bob’s your uncle.”
2. Don’t stare at me.
It’s okay to make some eye contact, but don’t stare me down in hopes of seeing if I like what you’re doing. Women are good at communicating. If she doesn’t like it, you’ll know. No need for a staring contest, Uncle Fester.
3. Don’t be nervous.
Confidence is sexy – the lack thereof is not. Even if you’re nervous on the inside, don’t let me see it. It doesn’t make me feel even remotely sexy if you’re visibly nervous during foreplay. In all honesty, it makes me feel gross. If she is allowing you to warm her up for what she is expecting to be great sex (on both your parts), realize that it’s her choice and a privilege. Go with it. You’re the man! So, act like it.
4. Don’t be rough.
You know the character Asher from ABC’s How To Get Away With Murder? Yeah, don’t act like him. Whenever I see his character getting ready for sexy time with Bonnie, I get creeped out by his excitement and aggression. Even though he portrays it in a dorky way, it still comes off aggressively. When you’re engaging in foreplay be calm, be gentle, and take your time.
5. Don’t use your fingers.
What? Yes, seriously. Instead of focusing on using your fingers, think more about your fingertips. This will help you to consciously be more gentle with your touch. You want to caress her body, not grip it. You want to massage her breasts, not squeeze them. You want to stroke the vagina and clit, not penetrate it (at least with your fingers). I know a lot of men think fingering is the way to go, but honestly you’ve been misled. Nothing kills the mood more than a fingernail to the inside of the vagina.
6. Don’t forget my breasts.
The breasts are commonly forgotten about thanks to things like sucking on the neck. It’s not that kissing my neck isn’t sexy, but don’t forget to kiss my nipples, too. Isn’t that what they’re there for?
7. Don’t expect to get what you don’t give.
Not all guys are grossed out about eating a girl out, but some are. If you fall into the group that isn’t fond of giving oral sex, that’s cool… but don’t expect for her to perform it on you if you aren’t going to perform it on her. Fair is fair.
8. Don’t leave spit on me.
I may be the only one who hates this, but do not leave a huge wet spot on any of the areas you use your mouth on me with. There are number of different reasons that this is not okay, but here are two very important ones… 1. spit gets cold about a millisecond after you stop licking or sucking on me and 2. eww, it’s a glob of spit.
9. Don’t forget the real reason we’re here.
Remember, this is just the appetizer. You don’t want to waste too much time on foreplay, but you also don’t want to cut the experience short. Use your best judgement, but try to land somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
Great foreplay warms you up for great sex and the better the sex, the more likely you two will go at it more than once tonight. So, let loose and get into it. You got this.