How To Get Rid Of A One-Night Stand Without Being An Asshole

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If a one-night stand is an uncomfortable concept to you, you’re probably doing it wrong.

The thing about getting rid of a one-night stand is knowing how not to make the experience awkward for either of you in the first place. A foolproof way of always being able to get rid of a one-night stand without being an asshole is to make sure that both of you know that the encounter is a one-night stand. You’d be surprised at how many people are not only down with having a one-night stand, but they actually prefer it. So many, in fact, that you don’t really have to worry about how you’ll get them out, just when to let them know that that time has come. Timing is everything. Before I get into how you would go about getting rid of a one-night stand, let me clue you in how to have a successful one-night stand:

  1. DON’T BE WASTED.
  2. Make sure both of you understand that it’s a one-time encounter.
  3. Make sure the one-time experience is amazingincluding great foreplay.

Now that that’s clear. Here’s how to get rid of a one-night stand without being an asshole.

1. Don’t rush the sex, and don’t rush them out.

Since it’s just this one time, have a great time! Don’t rush the sex. Really get into it and make it memorable for both of you. Who wants to waste adding another person to your body count on boring sex? When it’s over, find just one more thing to do with them. It’s like extending a ‘thank you’ to them. You don’t have to watch a two-hour movie if you don’t want to, but you could at least sit around and talk with them for just a little while longer. When you rush your one-night stand out right after sex you make things awkward and you’re definitely being an asshole.

2. Compliment their abilities and let them know you had fun.

Since you didn’t rush the sex, I’m sure you got to see how great they were in bed. Make them feel good about it so that at least when you ask them to leave they’ll know they’re leaving you happy and satisfied. This will make any person’s walk of shame a much easier journey to take.

3. Give them an incentive to leave.

If you both agreed that this was just a one-time thing, then the chances are that they won’t be offended by you offering them an incentive to leave after the great sex you two just had–even if the incentive is you paying for their cab or them never having to hear from you again. Perspective.

4. Honesty is the best policy–let them know the time has come.

Keep it simple, stupid. Again, when the one-time encounter is consensual you won’t find yourself having to give them some lame excuse for why they need to leave. If you both know what’s up and you don’t rush them out right after you two are done, they more than likely won’t mind when you turn to them and say, “I had a great time. Thanks for the experience. Have a good life.” Maybe not those words verbatim, but you catch my drift.

5. Do NOT do any of the following:

  • use the “my friend needs me” excuse.
  • tell them your parents are coming over (even if it’s true).
  • just start going about your day and think your dropping hints that they’ll pick up on.
  • be awkward and act like you can’t look or talk to the person you literally just had sex with.

You will find a number of articles online these days giving you what they think are the perfect excuses for getting rid of a one-night stand, but rest assured… they will make you look like an asshole–a lying asshole at that. Don’t do it. Be a big boy or girl and use your words. You won’t regret it.

Do you have any tips or stories on getting rid of a one-night stand without being an asshole? Share them in a comment.

COLLEGECANDY Writer
COLLEGECANDY Writer
Isis Nezbeth is a fresh, free-spirited freelance writer, blogger, and author. She is a proud Twentysomething Scorpio woman who is dedicated to living freely and fulfilling her destiny in life. Her passions include writing, spreading joy, and making love. If she were stranded on a desert island, she’d need her Keurig, pens, paper, and the Baduizm album to die happily–or to survive until someone rescued her. Her greatest blessings in life are her family because even when she had nothing at all, they still made her rich beyond belief. She enjoys karaoke, spinach and mushroom pizza, and alcoholic beverages. Her end goal is to write enough to make at least three people change their life, to make a thousand people smile, and to some day afford a city view with the luxury of keeping her brandy in a decanter on the mantel. Connect with Isis on thegoddesscolumn.com.