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Man Arrested For Trying to Scan Penis at Supermarket Checkout

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Getty

Getty

A Seattle man was arrested Wednesday after walking into a grocery store, whipping out his dick, and placing it on the scanner at the self checkout counter.

Seriously.

The man—Christian Fischer—entered a Quality Food Center, unzipped his pants, took out his penis, and then placed it upon the scanner at a self-checkout terminal, says the Seattle Police Department.

According to the police report published by The Smoking Gun, that was when the 31-year-old called over a female employee. Apparently, she realized this wasn’t going to be a normal customer service experience when “she saw that his penis was out on the stand.”

When he saw the cashier’s shocked expression, Fischer started laughing “and didn’t make any attempts to stow away his blatantly exposed genitalia.” That was when a male security officer came over to see what was going on and also had the misfortune of seeing Fischer’s dick “resting on top of the scanner.”

He booked it out of there before the cops arrived, but was arrested a few hours later after returning to the scene of the crime. When he tried to get back inside the store, he was stopped by a security guard, sent on his way, then picked up by the police a block away. After he was told that he was being arrested for traumatizing a supermarket full of people, Fisher reportedly yelled “I didn’t whip my cock out!”

The only unsurprising thing about this story is that this is Fisher’s fourth arrest of the month. The others were for assault, burglary, and obstruction. Now, he gets to add “indecent exposure” to his growing rap sheet.

[H/T: Death and Taxes]

COLLEGECANDY Writer