We all go through phases of singledom. Some phases are shorter than others, some are more welcome than others, and some are more fun than others. No matter the circumstance – we are all single at one time or another.
But we all know those girls (some of us are those girls) who are seemingly perpetually single. They’re pretty, they’re fun, they’re funny, they’re interesting – and yet they’ve been single for literal years. I’ve been there. I have best friends who have been there. And it has taught me a lot about what being single means, and what being truly ready for a boyfriend means.
So before you go spending another Friday night home alone sulking about being single – read this. Here are five real reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend:
You don’t want one.
WHAT? A SINGLE GIRL CAN BE HAPPY? I was single for several years after my last break up, and I complained a lot about being single. But the truth was, I didn’t want a boyfriend. I wasn’t ready to let someone in again, and I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable. I wanted to go on dates with people, I wanted to keep things casual, I wanted to keep every potential dude at arm’s length. While I still blamed Tinder or fuckboys or whatever else for my singleness – it was really myself.
You are desperate for one.
Desperation is a very real thing. Men can smell it on you – and you give off signs. If you’re too focused on getting a boyfriend, every single date you go on will have the extreme pressure of commitment on it. For boys, that can feel like the weight of the world. You also probably will wind up dating people you absolutely should not because you’re simply too desperate for a person to know the difference between the right person and a space filler. Know the difference between a potential mate and a space filler. Being single is better than being with someone just to kill time.
You don’t leave your house.
I’m guilty of this – very guilty of this. Staying in is one of my favorite things. Staying inside, staying in your comfort zone, staying with the people you know, these are all easy traps to fall into. But, unfortunately, there isn’t an app yet that will just bring other single people directly in through your Netflix screen. You won’t meet people if you don’t go out – so just try to get out there! Try saying yes to every new opportunity for a month – see where it takes you.
You only go to bars.
Now, I know a lot of people meet at bars. But the odds of meeting someone of quality at the bar at one in the morning is almost nonexistent. If this is your number one way of trying to meet your next beau, you will almost certainly fail. The key is to get out to new places – to try new activities. Gyms, run clubs, meetups, volunteer groups, kickball leagues – wherever you live I guarantee you that your city has any number of activities you can get into where you will meet quality, like-minded dudes. Even if you don’t meet the man of your dreams, you’ll at least make some new friends.
You’re just waiting for it.
Stop waiting. Stop spending your Friday nights on Tinder aimlessly swiping right. Stop spending your Saturday nights at the same bars just waiting for a hot dude to come up to you. It will happen when it happens – period. In the meantime, spend your time cultivating new hobbies, focusing on work, meeting new people, exploring your city. If you spend your time getting out there and expanding your horizons you’re more likely to meet someone on your way, and when you do, you’ll be a much more interesting, balanced person. Trust me.