Let’s face it, many of us are single and ready to mingle. Finding ourselves heading home with someone we just met could be intimidating, especially when anticipating how the night will turn out. While there are no rules or guidelines for having a great one night stand, there are tips that you should follow to avoid waking up the next day with a “What the hell just happened?” attitude.
So if you find yourself about to head into unchartered territories and explore someone’s body for the first (and possibly last) time, try to avoid these horrifyingly awkward sex positions that will leave you both thinking WTF.
1. The Butter Churner
First of all, shout out to whoever came up with this name. Second of all, what the actual f*ck? While literally laying on your neck and shoulders, your entire lower body is in the air. Your dude basically sits on you and puts all his pressure on your neck. Yeah, it sounds horrifying. It also sounds like you might need to see a chiropractor after trying.
2. The “X” Position
The only person you might want to try this with is your ex, since you won’t be seeing much of them anyway. For the “X” position, just lie back and have your guy sit facing you, with your legs crossing over each other to form an X. Yeah, it’s weird AF and sounds nearly impossible. Best of luck, tho!
3. The Spider
This position resembles the crab walk, which is already a no-no. We don’t want to do the crab walk at the gym, let alone in the bedroom. For those willing to try, keep your pelvis above his while you legs bend to the side of his body. Since you’re both controlling the movements, rock back and forth to get rhythm. In short: stick to missionary. Please.
4. The Snow Angel
Well, where to begin. Of all of these positions, this is probably the one I would advise against most. It’s basically missionary position with an upside-down twist. Once you’ve aligned yourselves, grab his butt to help control the thrusts. To paint you a picture, you’re looking directly at his butt while his legs are on the side of your head. So yeah, let’s save this position for never.
5. Waterfall
You know when TLC said “Don’t go chasing waterfalls”? Well, this is what they were talking about. For this position, your partner lies off the edge of bed while you hop on top. Not only is the view a bit much for a first date, but it could also cause a horrifying head rush that could lead to a hospital visit. For clarifications, hospitals are not sexy, regardless of what Grey’s Anatomy says.