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The following quote from Taylor Swift’s “Last Kiss” is all too relatable: “Never thought we’d have our last kiss, never imagined we’d end like this.” Breakups and experiencing loss are some of the most painful feelings our hearts will ever ache over. Sadly (or thankfully?) our celebrity bestie Taylor Swift knows this all too well. Her music is therapeutic and helps you sort out your emotions mid-cry sesh, but she’s also full of love advice.
Below, Swift’s best advice on love, life and heartbreak.
On being heartbroken…
“Waking up to a text every morning, falling asleep to a phone call, hearing someone’s name and lighting up. These are all habits we have to break when we lose someone and it’s NOT FAIR because it’s TERRIBLE and you are AWESOME. Time will break all of the old habits and create new ones for you, and in the process, you will try to handle this immense pain with dignity… You will actually move on and you actually will be fine and that’s when he may actually miss how incredible and special you are… You and I both know there’s got to be some greater storyline for you than ‘girl gets heartbroken, was sad forever.’ I think a nice one would be ‘girl gets heartbroken, was sad for a while but in her heartbreak, she found freedom, friends, and the ability to look back and laugh at all she’d learned. She now lives her life on her own terms and still has fantastic hair.’” -To a fan on Instagram
“I think when you’re heartbroken, you need music more than when you’re not. There’s something so beautiful about people who are heartbroken. They think about how they’re feeling much more. I think when you’re happy and you’re in love, you don’t need to think about it, it’s just there. Love is one of those things that’s so simple, you don’t need to think about it when it’s good. You only need to think about it when it’s bad.” –Coffee Break 2013
“And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day and planning fun dinner parties and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London, and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine.” –Elle 2015
On loving someone who doesn’t love you back…
“I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It’s just as crushing and just as thrilling. No matter what happens in this situation, I want you to remember that what you are doing is selfless and beautiful and kind. You are loving someone purely because you love them, not because you think you’ll ever have your affections reciprocated. You are admiring something for its beauty, without needing to own it. Feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly. I think someday you’ll find someone who loves you in that exact same way.” -To a fan on Instagram
On being in a relationship where you lost yourself…
“I swore I would never ever get in another relationship if it meant changing who I was, or taking me out of that mode where my friends are everything to me… Never ever become someone else for the sake of a relationship.” –Vanity Fair 2015
“If you’re a people pleaser, like most of us are, you try to adapt to what signals that person is giving off. It’s not about changing the fact that you’re a people pleaser; it’s about finding someone [to date] who is not critical. That can be the most painful thing, trying to love someone who is critical in their nature.” –Vanity Fair 2015
“Kels… if you are just true to yourself and don’t worry about anything other than being who you are, two things: A) At the end of the day you can be proud of that and B) In the long run, that’s going to win.”-To squad member Kelsea Ballerina
On coming to terms that they’re not worth anymore of your tears or time…
“It’s so devastating to come to terms with speaking of someone in past tense when you used to see them as your present and your future. But think about what he said. It will take a while for you to get those words out of your head.” -To a fan on Tumblr
“Guarding your heart and protecting your dignity are a little bit more important than clarifying the emotions of someone who’s only texting you back three words. I’ve learned that from trying to figure out people who don’t deserve to be figured out.”
–Glamour 2014
“I can’t deal with someone wanting to take a relationship backward or needing space… It’s a conscious thing: It’s a common sense thing … I just don’t ever want to end up in a relationship that isn’t fair ever again.” –Cosmopolitan 2012
“All you can do is be honest and real with him as you get to know each other. Deciding not to play games is the best way to go because it keeps things simple: If he messes it up by playing around with your heart, you’ll know he doesn’t deserve you.” –Seventeen 2012
“It’s all right – I’m cool. You know what, it’s like, when I find that person that is right for me, he’ll be wonderful. When I look at that person, I’m not even going to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 27 seconds when I was 18.” -to Ellen DeGeneres 2008
On being fearless in the face of love and heartache…
“To me, fearless is having fears, fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before….Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even though can’t breathe without them…I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being all right … That’s fearless, too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.” -Liner notes on her Fearless album 2008
On being single…
“I think it’s healthy for everyone to go a few years without dating, just because you need to get to know who you are. And I’ve done more thinking and examining and figuring out how to cope with things on my own than I would have if I had been focusing on someone else’s emotions and someone else’s schedule. It’s been really good.”
“I have no idea if I’m going to get married or be single forever or have a family or just be on my own. You know, paint in a cottage by the ocean by myself. I just have no idea, and I’m kind of into that. You can make a board for all the goals you want in your life with the pictures on it, and that’s great, daydreaming is wonderful, but you can never plan your future.” –Wonderland 2013
