- We don’t live to work, we work to get Lil Wayne tickets.
Whatever means it takes to fulfill your fantasy of hanging with “Riri and Bebe,” that is what you need to do. Probably don’t clean Fred Armisen’s apartment in your underwear, but beyond that, recognize your job for the income supply that it is. It may not be perfect, especially not right away, but does it give you the means to stalk celebrities? That is the real question.
- Candy is for grown-ups.
You are an accomplished, intelligent, money-making woman, and even if you aren’t, if you want to go in the nearest candy store and buy that three-pound jawbreaker, damn it, you should.
- Sometimes your roommate is a menace.
Perfect rooming situations are about as common as getting the right ice-to-soda ratio at a restaurant. (Like, I understand that you refill it, but you wouldn’t have to six times if you gave me maybe 16 fewer ice cubes.) Your roomie may mean well, but if you don’t get along all that well—that’s okay. Your roommate does not have to be your best friend; sometimes they can just be the person who pays half the bills.
- It’s never too late to get that piercing.
When Abbi gets her nose pierced her co-workers make fun of her, but she couldn’t care less. If another earring or a spontaneous eyebrow piercing makes you feel bold and bad-ass, do it.
- Make good on promises.
People remember if you do. You want to be dependable, whether it’s to your friends, your neighbors, or your boss. If you say you will do something, go to any lengths to do it—even if it means prying a package from creepy yogurt-eating Garrol’s sweaty hands.
- Know your strengths and weaknesses.
As both the most common and silly job interview question, have your answer prepped. For example, Ilana’s biggest weakness is that she always loses her purse, but her biggest strength is that she always finds it again.
- New York apartments are not affordable.
Finding an apartment that has enough room to spin around in for less than a grand is not a thing. There will be no room for activities. “Where isn’t the bathroom?”
- Always be there for your friends.
Even when they have a drunk jazz-singing alter ego they aren’t aware of. Even when they take truth-or-dare ten steps too far. Even when they sing to get out of awkward encounters. When you find someone who gets you, they’re worth it.
And, finally…
- Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons NEVER expire.
