Kesha‘s highly-publicized fight against producer Dr. Luke has given fans some hint of how much she has been through, but in an emotional new letter she opens up about just how hard the industry has been on her.
The 30-year-old “Praying” singer penned a raw letter to her 18-year-old self as part of CBS‘ “Notes to Self” series, and it’s a must-read — for both those looking to enter the music industry, and for teens everywhere.
“At this very moment, you may be wondering if it was really a good idea to drop out of high school and move to L.A. with nothing but your grandpa’s Lincoln Town Car and a demo tape,” she writes. “I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news, and I know you’re a tad impatient so we’ll start with the good news.”
And, as we all know, it is good news: “You made it! And thank God because the best plan B we ever came up with was waitressing and we will soon find out that is not really our forte.”
Then she delves into the “bad news” — and it is the most painful part of the letter.
“The bad news is, you nearly killed yourself on the road to success, fueled by fear of failure, crippling anxiety and insecurity. You will become severely bulimic and anorexic and the worse your disease gets, the more praise you will get from some people in your industry. And this will really, really mess with your head. But when you’re trying to live up to an unrealistic expectation, it’s never going to be good enough. No matter what you do.”
While Kesha does not directly address Dr. Luke or her alleged sexual assault, she does detail her struggle with anorexia, her “bad girl, I don’t give a s*** attitude,” (which could only last for so long) her dollar sign tattoo (which she regrets), how she changed herself for success, body image, and more.
“One day you’re gonna write a song called ‘Rainbow’ and you’re gonna be really proud of it because there is light and beauty after the storm, no matter how hard things get,” she closes out the letter.
Read the full letter here.