Yes, everyone has told a lie–but when does it become problematic? Lies vary from white lies to compulsive lying to being straight up deceptive. Sydney behavioral expert Grazina Fechner reveals some of the signs of how to spot a liar.
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Fechner spoke to The Morning Show about the psychology of lying. She said that there are many red flags to look out for in a liar. If someone is fidgeting, touching their face and changing their natural voice pitch are good indicators if someone is lying. Be sure to look at someone’s eyes too–eye expressions often give away someone’s true intentions or feelings.
A liar may also become defensive and any confidence they have diminished when they are confronted about their lying habits.
Fechner additionally explained that compulsive liars share similar personality traits. They are usually confident, think fast, understand others well and have a great memory. They have great memory because have to be able to remember their lies and the storylines that often go along with their lies.
Liars become actors in their own drama of life. They are not true to themselves and do not have a sense of their true selves. They subconsciously believe their own lies and genuinely walk away from their social interactions believing that the lies they tell are true.
When should you confront a liar? Should you even confront them at all? Fechner says that before you confront a liar you should consider your relationship, ask before accusing and remain confident. You should confront the person as soon as you notice their behavior.
If you choose to ignore the behavior, then they will not change and your relationship could fall apart. You will just continue to lose trust in the person, likely ending an otherwise positive relationship.
What you want to do in a situation with a liar is completely up to you. You have to do what is in your own best interest and well being. If you wish to continue a relationship with someone you should confront them.
Confrontation is difficult–it is often easier to just let things go. But confronting the person about their lying may grow your relationship–whether a friend, partner or family member–your bond can become stronger. They may also change their actions after they are confronted which can gain their trust back.
When you confront the liar they may also become defensive and start to attack you. If this happens, try to remain calm and collected. Also remain rational, explaining your claims against them, as they are, as much as possible. But if they still don’t listen then maybe they aren’t worth keeping a relationship with.
Unhealthy relationships should not be fostered, here are some signs that you may be in an unhealthy relationship.
Whether you decide to confront someone in your life about their lying or you may even be a bit of a liar yourself, make sure to recognize it and take careful steps to get a positive outcome. Even if that means moving on!