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A few decades ago, people would sit by the phone after a seemingly good date and wait for their potential love interest to call. Today, technology factors into our daily interactions in ways that are infinitely more complicated than that. As time moves forward, electronics only become more deeply ingrained in our society and today’s young couples face a question that their parents did not have to answer: what role does social media play in the relationship?
We’re still sitting by our (now mobile) phones, waiting for them to ring, but now we have more than one platform to consider. I once listened to my friend debate for 20 minutes whether to keep up a Snapchat streak with a guy she was seeing since he hadn’t snapped her first that morning and how dare he? Another friend rejoiced last week when her crush finally liked one of her Instagram posts.
Even established couples deal with the pressure of deciding how (or if) to present their relationship online. How long should you wait to go Facebook official? Wait, do people even do that anymore? Where is the balance between posting cute couple pictures and not annoying all of your followers with your mushiness? Does it matter if you snap each other the most? What’s okay to share and what should stay between you two?
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Social media is a way to connect with people and is supposed to help people connect with friends, strengthen bonds and keep in touch… But does it help or harm romantic relationships?
Social media can hurt.
An online presence or lack thereof can cause tension within a relationship if one person is an avid social media user and the other isn’t into it. If you’re the one who likes to put up pictures, it can be uncomfortable to feel like you’re the only one demonstrating your love to the world–especially if you can’t even get a “like” back from your partner. This doesn’t have to be an issue so long as you recognize that your partner demonstrates their love in other ways and genuinely isn’t a social media person. However, if your partner does share a lot of stuff online and none of it includes you, you may feel like you’re being hidden and that’s worth a conversation.
The link between technology and sex is also important to consider here. Maybe one partner is into sexting and nude Snapchatting, suggesting that it’ll be fun, while the other partner isn’t so into that, and this can cause tension. While there should theoretically be no sharing of photos or videos outside of your trust-filled partnership, there’s always the potential for a nasty breakup down the line, and revenge porn is a genuine problem. If your partner is pressuring you into doing something you are not comfortable with, that is not a healthy relationship, and you should reevaluate.
Social media can help.
While there are some negatives of social media use, the internet can also be a helpful tool for enhancing a relationship. 59% of teens say that social media makes them feel more connected to their partners and nearly half are grateful that it offers them a place to demonstrate how much they care about the other person. Although jealousy can be very real, just over two-thirds of the participants claimed that social media did not make them feel unsure of or insecure about their relationship, suggesting that many young people dating do not experience the negative impact of high technology usage.
For couples who maintain a long distance relationship some or all of the time, social media can play a huge role in keeping the relationship together. Technology allows people to connect despite being physically apart and that is a beautiful thing. No longer do people have to rely on snail mail to hear from their loved ones; now we can see what our significant others are up to on their Snapchat stories, tag them in memes to make them laugh throughout the day and video chat to have more substantial conversations. It may be no substitute for seeing your partner in person, but it’s much better than nothing at all, and one study even suggests that people in LDRs have equal or more trust and satisfaction than couples who live close together. Many of these relationships wouldn’t be as plausible without the internet, so electronics are facilitating romance rather than hindering it.
Relationship length is a factor.
A psychological study was conducted several years ago to explore the relationship between Facebook usage and negative relationship outcomes and the results suggest that how long two people have been dating plays a role in whether social media usage impacts the couple. Psychologists divided the participants up into two groups based on relationship length, with the “short-term” relationships group comprised of people who had been dating for three years or fewer and the “long-term” group made up of those dating longer than three years. Findings revealed that for people in the short-term group, Facebook usage and Facebook-related conflict was correlated with negative relationship outcomes, but for those in the long-term group, no correlation was found.
If you think about this, it makes sense; partners who have been together longer have probably developed more trust and have a more solid relationship, whereas new couples are still getting to know each other. Some people are insecure in their new relationships, feeling bad if a partner doesn’t actively “like” posts on social media or post anything about the relationship themselves. Others may be jealous or suspicious and feel the need to watch their partner’s profile, which can lead to fighting.
Whether you’re active on it or not, social media is something that impacts pretty much all of us at this point, which is why it is so necessary to consider the effect it is having on your romantic relationship. The most important thing to keep in mind is that talking openly with each other–online and in person–is vital if you want things to keep going smoothly with your partner, and if you have any concerns, you should voice them rather than bottle them up. Communication is key!
