5 Warning Signs You Don’t Feel Emotionally Safe In Your Relationship, According To Experts

It’s obvious that we are supposed to feel physically safe in our relationships. If someone is beating their significant other, we know that it’s abuse and that something is wrong. However, there is another type of safety that is just as important in maintaining a strong, healthy relationship: emotional safety.

Emotional safety encompasses the ideas that there is mutual trust between significant others, that they can feel comfortable breaching difficult topics with each other without feeling judged, and that they can talk through things in a healthy and productive way. A lack of emotional safety means that we cannot show our true selves to our partners, so we can never attain the closeness and vulnerability needed to maintain a meaningful romantic relationship.

Perhaps you’ve never really considered whether your relationship is emotionally safe, and that’s okay–but now that you know what emotional safety is, you should. Here are some warning signs that your relationship may not be emotionally safe.


1. You agree to things that you don’t truly believe in or feel comfortable with to keep the peace.

Do you find yourself vocally agreeing with all of your partner’s ideas even when your actual opinions don’t match up? If you feel afraid to express your own opinions because you think they may cause conflict in the relationship, that’s a red flag that something is off.

While partners are likely to have similar ideas about many things, there are going to be some differences and if you feel like you’re walking on eggshells whenever you talk to them, the relationship is not emotionally safe.


2. You don’t let your partner have their privacy.

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Do you find yourself checking your partner’s phone and panicking whenever they want to do things without you? According to relationship and etiquette expert April Mancini, this can indicate that the relationship is not emotionally safe.

“If you’re going behind your partner’s back to try to figure out what they’re doing when you’re not around, you’re not feeling secure in the relationship,” she explains. Trust is a huge component to emotional safety, so if that isn’t there, you and your partner will have to build some if you want to stay together.


3. You’re quick to blame your partner.

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When something is going wrong and you feel upset, do you always think that your partner is the reason? Really think about the last time that happened. Are you positive that your significant other was truly at fault?

“When you regularly accuse your partner of behavior that you really don’t want to see, it’s often not because they’ve done anything wrong, but because you’re afraid they will,” Mancini says. So if everything seems to be your partner’s fault these days, check yourself before accusing them of anything.


4. You feel continually judged or that your feelings are trivialized by your partner.

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Do you feel like your partner is judging you no matter how agreeable you try to be? Do you find that when you mention this, your partner dismisses your feelings, claiming that you are “overly sensitive” or denying the judgment altogether?

These are signs that your relationship may be emotionally unsafe. Celebrity matchmaker Alessandra Conti says that “if you feel like your every move is being judged, you feel like you need to ask your partner permission to do basic tasks… these are major red flags and can lead to something more dangerous in the future.”


5. You feel alone even when you’re together.

Do you find yourself feeling lonely even when your partner is around or thinking that you don’t have anyone to confide in? If you feel emotionally safe with your significant other, you should be able to talk to them about pretty much anything. If you don’t feel that you can share things with them, this may point to a lack of emotional safety.


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