Communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy and long-lasting relationship. If you’ve recently obtained a new partner in crime to binge watch Netflix with during the upcoming fall season, and you have a feeling that things are going to get serious, then it’s important to make sure that you smooth out any kinks and crannies that could cause future misunderstandings. Some of these questions are scary to ask, but all of them are integral and a step toward having an amazing and open relationship.
1. Have you ever cheated on anyone before?
This question can elicit an emotional response. If they have cheated before and you’re the type of person that believes people are unable to change then perhaps you shouldn’t enter anything with them and catch yourself early before you fall too hard. However, if you feel that this person has expressed a genuine pattern of change then, by all means, go for it. However, keep in mind that your heart is potentially at risk.
2. How many relationships have you been in?
This can be a question of experience. Maybe you don’t feel like having to rehash relationship do’s and don’ts with someone who’s never been in one before. Maybe the idea of newness is appealing to you. Whatever the case, knowing someone’s past experiences can help you to evaluate whether they are a good fit for you.
3. Have you been tested?
This is one of the most important questions that you can ask if you are sexually active. Whether they say yes or no make sure not to just take their word for it and always use protection. Likewise, make sure that you are repeatedly getting tested yourself!
4. What’s your sense of humor like?
Some people tend to have their humor reside on the darker side, whereas others prefer a mix of memes and dad jokes. Some are okay with both! Sometimes humor can rub us the wrong way. I once went on a date with someone whose idea of a funny story was a recantation of how they pushed a crying little girl down a 20-foot slide. We didn’t go on a second date! Whether your humor can elicit innocent laughter or cause some heads to turn, it might be important to know what will and won’t slide off the shoulder of your partner.
5. Do you get easily jealous?
Sometimes a little jealousy doesn’t hurt, it can remind your partner that you care. However, too much jealousy is an extreme red flag. Sometimes people need to work on healing themselves before they are ready to enter a brand-new relationship. Too much jealousy can result in isolation and an unhealthy relationship. Try and see if your partner needs some more work to be done before they are ready to be with you, or if they are genuinely able to establish a trusting relationship with you.
<6. Would you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?
This is an important question to ask because it may dictate how often you see one another as well as what you do together. Is your partner into going out to parties occasionally? Or would they feel more comfortable staying home? If one of you is an extrovert and the other is an introvert, you aren’t doomed, you just may need to make future compromises regarding what you do together and how often you hang out and give each other space.
7. Do you love yourself?
It’s not just a cheesy saying. You should love yourself before you try to love anyone else. This is not just so that you can be the best version of yourself for them, but also so that you know your own worth and are able to stand up for yourself throughout your relationship. Loving yourself will help you to not lose yourself in a relationship and also clarify your own independence in the times that you may feel like you are sinking into a rut.
8. What are your worst habits?
Do they bite their nails? Are they a compulsive liar? Which of their habits do you think you can look past and get over? Are any of their bad habits deal breakers?
9. Are you in school?
Do you want someone who is at a university like you? Or are you okay that they have a full-time job and but no education? It’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to look past and what you aren’t. If this is something that has no importance to you then go for it! However, if this is something that bothers you then it may be best to re-evaluate whether this person is for you.
10. What constitutes a perfect day for you?
This question will give you insight on what things make them content. Do they thrive in the outdoors? Are they most happy staying in and reading a book? Maybe you’ll have clues as to what to do for their birthday or whether or not the two of you have any new things in common.
11. What are your top priorities?
Do they value their family and their education? It’s important to have values that align with a potential long-term partner. Values go hand in hand with morals and will let you see if your with someone that will place things in the same order of importance that you do. Likewise, knowing someone’s priorities will leave room for fewer misunderstandings when it comes to what they may place in front of or behind you in the future.
12. What is the worst thing that your ex could say about you?
Make sure to remind them to be 100% honest. If their ex would call them lazy or inattentive, take that information and apply it to how you would react being that similar scenarios may come up in the future. Is what their ex-said about them a deal breaker for you? Would they say that they can be careless sometimes or completely forget the existence of their partner?
13. Are you into politics?
In today’s day and age political beliefs have the power to make or break a relationship. In some cases, people can ignore the other’s political beliefs and ban it from the conversation altogether. Others are willing to debate politics with each other and at the end of the day still be together. Some political beliefs are so deeply rooted that one person cannot fathom being with someone who thinks the opposite of them. Which person are you and which person are they? Do your beliefs match up and if they don’t what do you feel the most comfortable doing with that information?
14. How do you handle arguments?
Sometimes people need a few days before they are willing to talk something out. Other people need to quickly engage after an argument to hash things out quickly. It’s important to figure out each other’s argument styles in order to prevent any future misunderstandings so that you don’t feel ignored or invalidated when problems arise.
15. What kind of relationship are you looking for?
Is this a Summer fling? Or just a cuffing season cuddle mate? If you’re looking for something more long-term and serious it’s important to express that initially. You don’t have to get down on one knee, but make sure to express that you really aren’t into the casual dating scene right now. Ask them where they see the relationship going in your own way.
16. What is a pet peeve of yours in other people?
Learning someone’s pet peeves are a great way to prevent serious arguments. Some people hate gossiping and others hate lying. learn their dislikes in order to learn what to avoid in the future and share your dislikes with them as well.
17. Are you religious?
Religion, like politics, also has the capability to make or break a relationship. There are plenty of couples that are thriving while having different religions, but you need to decide for yourself whether or not this is something that will stay on your mind within your relationship or prevent you from moving forward.
18. Are you close with your family?
Family relationships can sometimes translate into how someone will treat you throughout your relationship. Likewise, it will be an indicator of how important your relations with their family are.
19. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Finding someone with ambition is a very positive trait to discover in a new relationship. This lets you know that in the case that things end up being long-term, you won’t be the only one carrying the two of you. This also gives you a sense of work and motivation within your partner which can also translate to how hard they work within your relationship.
20. Have you ever had a long-distance relationship before?
If the two of you are some distance away or decided to make a summer fling serious and are going back to different colleges, it may be important to see whether or not they’ve dealt with some distance before, and whether or not they thought it to be a healthy environment for them. Likewise, in the future, if one of you travels a lot for work, knowing how they handled a long distance relationship will give you insight into how things will be when one of you is on vacation or on a business trip.
Overall, it may be nerve-wracking to ask someone that you’ve just started dating these questions. However, ultimately this will let you know if you chose the right person in the long run without having to find out that you despise them 2 years in.