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Do not forget that you need to take care not only of your partner, but also of yourself. Sometimes it seems to us that loving someone means completely dissolving into this person, merging with him into one whole. To turn into one of those couples who go everywhere together, start a common account on social networks, share absolutely everything and completely exclude the pronoun “I” from their vocabulary, replacing it with “we“. But self–sacrifice and complete abandonment of their interests often underlie codependent relationships and various types of violence. And that’s how it all happens.
- We forget about our interests
A harmonious relationship is not a slave and a leader, not a plus and minus. It is a union of two full–fledged personalities, each of which has its interests, desires, and goals. It happens that these interests come into conflict. For example, he plans to go to a party with mutual friends, and she wants to play online games exploring tripeaks solitaire rules. Nothing terrible will happen if someone gives in. But if one partner gives up his desires every time in favor of the other, it doesn’t look like a healthy and equal relationship anymore.
What to do
Continue to pursue your hobby. You can attach a partner to your favorite activity, and if he does not share your interests, choose the time that you will devote to hobbies. And who knows, maybe in some time we will suggest to you the best strategy to win solitaire.
Tell your loved one about your goals and desires. If your aspirations do not coincide, try to find a compromise — to make sure that neither side suffers.
Support your partner’s interests and hobbies. Explain to him that it is not necessary to sacrifice what is important to you.
- We do not defend our opinion
It seems to us that in an ideal relationship there should be no conflicts, so we are ready to agree with the partner — if only there would be no quarrel. But if one person gives in all the time, he gradually loses self‐confidence, loses personal boundaries, and becomes too driven.
What to do
Healthy relationships do not assume that your views will always coincide and you will not quarrel. They assume that you will be able to listen to each other, calmly express your position, offer options for resolving the conflict and choose one that suits both. Learn to defend your values calmly, without turning to insults and scandals.
- We give up our friends
Before the beginning of the relationship, you regularly saw your family and went to visit friends. But now you have a loved one — and all the other people began to gradually disappear from your life. Very often this is a kind of normal and is viewed with philosophy: time goes by, interests and principles transform, as well as the circle of communication. But in case you had to forget about friends because your partner doesn’t like them, or you stopped going to book club meetings because a loved one requires the most of your time, you should be on your guard.
What to do
Keep in touch with friends and family. Correspond, call up, and set aside time for meetings. If your partner does not get along with your friends, try to smooth out the conflict. Or continue to communicate with them yourself. Starting a serious relationship does not mean locking yourself at home and cutting yourself off from the outside world.
- We don’t spend time alone with ourselves
Someone thinks that if one of the partners wants to be alone, then there are problems in the relationship. After all, loving people do not get tired of each other and do not need privacy. As a result, you don’t take time for yourself, you don’t relax. And this is very exhausting, makes a person irritable, and forces him to be angry with his partner.
The same applies to personal space. There is an opinion that there can be no closed doors and secrets between close people. But if at first, such openness may seem romantic — that’s how close we are, we don’t hide anything from each other — then over time, personal boundaries are erased because of it.
What to do
Regularly spend time alone with yourself if you feel such a need. Determine which information you are willing to share with your partner, and which you prefer to keep to yourself.
Of course, all of the above implies that you do not lie to a loved one, do not cheat on him, or deceive his trust.
