We all have our TV shows. My most current fave is Parks and Recreation. I know I’m a little late to the game (by like, two years), but I’ve been a busy woman, OK? Either way, I am in love with Leslie Knope. All I want to do is sit with her in a government cafeteria and have a “Think Tank” session. If you don’t watch the show, none of this is making sense. I suggest you watch.
Leslie Knope has inspired me in many ways. But my favorite Knope quote comes in blissful life simplicity: “I am big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself.”
Preach that to the congregation, Knope. Or is it choir? Whatever. It’s brilliant.
From one twenty-something to another, let’s be inspired. By ourselves.
Rule #92: In a relationship, keep the bedroom spicy and tell your insecurities to shut their trap.
Try to keep a relationship where it was when you were first dating: you loved doing it and you thought you were amazing. The first time you guys rocked the sheets (wow, nerdy) it was sensual, you were focused, saw a unicorn-whatever. Let that resurface once and a while. Yea, you’re used to each other like a pair of cotton underpants. I’m just saying you should whip out the satin lacies a few times a month. When you started dating you wouldn’t dare hound on him for not calling for a few hours or sitting on the couch and picking his butt for too long. Common now, he’s going to get a little more comfortable with you. Loosen the rope, worry about yourself and call it a day. Something pretty cool will happen when you lighten up.
Rule #93: There are two types of people in this world. Those that say “no offense” and those that don’t.
Surround yourself with the people that don’t say it. Anyone who starts a sentence with “no offense” is about to insult you and wants to make themselves feel better for doing so. Those people are selfish. Those people funnel their own farts. Those people laugh too long at inappropriate jokes. Those people don’t need to be in your life. Be with people that will insult you in a blunt manner and tell you the truth.
Rule #94: Imagine the tattoo you want to get. Imagine it in the same place, on your mother. Do you still want it?
It’s in the stars; you’re going to look like your mother one day. So that dove with the words “Live. Love. Laugh” tattooed up on the side of your stomach? That’s going to look deformed and oddly slutty in a few decades. You’re welcome for the visual. Think before you ink, you free spirits.
Rule #95: A beer in the shower for a blissful half hour.
A cold, frosty brew in the shower may be one of the best things ever to happen to the 20-something mankind. That’s singling out Girl Scout cookie season and the second season debut of “Orange is the New Black.” But whatever, you get my point. Rip your clothes off, get the shower steamy hot, jump in, tip your head back and let the Blue Moon take over your happy senses. Cheers! Whoops, your beer shattered all over your feet? Hey, it’s slippery quarters in there.
Rule #96: Follow instructions when cooking with vanilla extract.
If the directions say two teaspoons, don’t mistake that for two tablespoons, or two healthy glugs from the bottle. Vanilla extract bottles are teeny for a reason. Putting more than the allotted amount in any recipe will make you feel like you put Victoria’s Secret Amber Romance into your pancakes.
Rule #97: Leave “what if” questions out of your relationship.
You’ve been there. Your boyfriend says you talk to much and you’re all like: “WHAT if I were a mute!?!?”
Oh, the dreaded “what if” question: the gate opener for a tainted relationship. “What if” questions will always sound stupid and you will never want to hear the actual answer to them. What if you were a mute? You probably would be generally updateable. See? Nobody wants to hear that. Whenever you start a question with “what…if…” bite that tongue. Nobody got time for that.
Rule #98: Boredom is a blessing.
In high school, being bored was a deadly sin. What? You haven’t been to a movie or a pizza place in 2 days?! Ugh, you’re lame. Now, in the real world, being bored is a glittery blessing. A leprechaun. A tie-dye unicorn. You never face it, but when you do-all you can handle is sitting and starting at boredom, awe-struck and unresponsive. Keep in mind, the “unicorn” is usually the white walls in your bedroom, or if you’re super adventurous, a good book and pasta. Namaste.

Click here for rules 1-92!