Boning is fun. Boning is great. But boning can sometimes make a mess of things or of you. Having a little foresight when you’re letting foreign objects into your snatch is simply necessary to have a healthy sexual appetite. Yet, no one is without error. Sometimes our motivation to get laid can be slightly questionable, sometimes even a little unethical to the person we’re pursuing. Being upfront with your needs is key to getting what you want without all the bullshit. Honesty really makes all the difference but when you’re using sex as a mere tool to get something else things can become a little problematic. We’ve all been there, standing in that fork in the road thinking: do I bone this guy for curly fries or do I leave this bar with my dignity? The choice, my dear, is yours.
Food
You is hungry, girl, I know, I know. Sometimes paying for stuff is just like, “Uuuugh, do I really have to give someone money for this?” When your piggy bank is running low on ammunition sometimes putting a dong in your mouth for a free meal just seems like a reasonable alternative. After all, the guy down the hall does have pizza bagels.
Revenge
Dooooooon’t sleep with your boyfriend’s best friend because he did X, Y, or Z. I know you’ve thought about it. I know you’re mad right now but have a cocktail or 27 and calm your tits a bit. Posting his dick pics on Snapchat will be a far more rewarding experience. (JK)
A Swimming Pool
The summer gets hot and access to a swimming pool isn’t just life changing for you but for all of your friends and their friends and their friends and … it’s totally worth it. Use protection. Say a prayer.
A Cocktail
After a certain time in the PM, in a certain outfit, at a certain bar it becomes all too easy to get drinks from thirsty men. Maybe you think you owe the dudes who offered you free stuff of their own volition. You do not. Move on with your life but say, “Thank you.”
A Place To Sleep
Don’t feel like commuting? Don’t have a home? Want to see what someone’s sweet apartment looks like? There’s a way to do that, it involves genitalia and regret.
Pity
Someone you’re not that into is palpably thirsty and you’re feeling generous. The pity screw can be helpful or hurtful but you are skating on thin ice, my friend.
A Confidence Boost
The good ole “I need to feel worthwhile today” cure. It’s cool every once and a while but if you start measuring your self-worthy by bed notches you’re going to be worth a million bucks, congratulations! No seriously, be careful though, it’s tricky.
