Sophomore Slump sucks! It happens in different ways for everyone, but I’m sure if you’ve gone through it you can agree it’s miserable. You become jaded about everything and everyone and you just hate people, school and life in general. You feel lost and confused, desperate, frustrated and tired.
But! Slumping doesn’t last forever. It eventually goes away and, more often than not, you come out of it a fairly better and more mature person. I’m still not entirely sure how I came out my slump or what exactly caused it. But I do know for sure that despite how shitty my sophomore year was, I came out of it with a handful of realizations and lessons that I think many others can also sympathize with.
I am stronger than I believe myself to be and am unique in my own differences. Your willpower and personal talents can accomplish more than you can imagine and it is only through trials and sufferings that test your limits that you can exercise your endurance and learn how much you are capable of overcoming. Your unique qualities are what make you your own individual and embracing them can help you excel in a way others can’t. So if in your slump you’re feeling left out or self-conscious because you’re unlike your peers, embrace your differences. They might turn out to be your saving grace.
It’s okay to want to be alone. You need alone time. Alone time is good for you. Being alone is a great way to tread in that vast, deep, and dark ocean that is your unknown self. You will be pleasantly surprised to discover that many wonderful, interesting, maybe weird and freaky- but beautiful and unique- creatures live under the surface.
You don’t have to have the same friends in college as you did before college. It’s okay to lose a few friends along the way as long as you let go of the wrong ones and hold on to the right ones. You may realize that your friend of 15 years isn’t really someone you want to be around and instead you’d rather be with your new friend 24/7- and that’s okay. A part of growing up is learning who you are, and who you are is influenced by who you surround yourself with. Just remember to stay on good terms with friends that you want to let go because there’s no need for tension (especially because it can get awkward).
Friendship is a two-way street. You may be wanting some time alone [right now], but your best friend, who understands you need some distance and doesn’t want to bother you, might be needing someone to talk to. Sacrifice your comfort to comfort a friend in need. Love is patient and love is kind… it is not self-seeking…
You can only know once you have not known. So it’s okay to not know what you want to major in or what career you want to pursue or what you want to do in life in general, as long as you’re doing something to try to figure it out. Don’t just lie in bed all day staring at the ceiling through your tears feeling hopeless and pitiful for yourself. Crying can feel good in the moment so yes, give yourself some time to purge yourself of frustration and despair; but remember that tears can only give you temporary relief. Get up and onto your computer and research the different classes that you can try and explore. Ask friends about clubs that they’re in or can recommend. Or even simply take a walk, get some exercise and fresh air; give yourself a break from your thoughts (or take a walk to be alone with your thoughts). Because you never know… you may find some inspiration in the rustling of the leaves or the way the sidewalk rises unevenly up ahead. You might have an idea as you notice the way each car makes a different rumble or the way your strides create a certain rhythm because your right leg is slightly longer than your left. Or you might just want to aimlessly walk and then realize that thinking about nothing actually brings you something. Studies have actually shown that walking gets your creativity/idea juices flowing.
I am my worst enemy and my biggest ally. I’ll tell myself that I can’t do it a thousand times, but I’ll also tell myself that I can and I will a thousand times more. I’ll put myself down and make myself feel hopeless, but I will also encourage myself and inspire motivation. I can trip myself at times and be blinded by my mistakes and failures, but I can also pick myself back up and find my way around in the dark.
While I was slumping, other people were being shat on by the world. Look beyond your own problems and reach out to others. Helping others feels good; and in the process, taking a step back to observe your problems from a distance can put your life in perspective. By helping others, you may also be picking yourself back up, too.
Isolating yourself and hermit-ing away in your apartment in your comfy sweater and sweats all the hours you aren’t in class may feel good and liberating, initially. But it’s actually a self-destructive cycle. Being alone too much will make you lonely. Even introverts, who need to be alone to recharge, want to be around people (though less than extroverts, of course). Don’t cut yourself off from the world. People are social “creatures” and we need human contact daily to sustain ourselves. Even Maslow’s hierarchy states that love and belonging is the third most important necessity before self-esteem and morality (after food and shelter, aka pizza and bed… or pizza in bed yaassss).
Deactivating your Facebook will not make you a better person. It does not make you more wholesome or down-to-earth or sophisticated or “mysterious.” Lets be real. No matter how much you wish it weren’t this way, Facebook is one of the biggest and most efficient (I say this through my teeth, too) ways to stay connected with people. Without it, knowing of events and keeping your plans organized may be difficult. Even contacting people becomes a challenge, because yeah, though you’re technically friends with your lab partners because you guys cry about failed quizzes together and hate each other for not doing your respective parts for lab reports, you still don’t have each other’s numbers. And then you’ll get screwed over for your next in-class lab report, because you don’t have anyone to contact to ask about what will be tested except for your GSI but you don’t want to email him because then he’ll know you weren’t paying attention to him, like ever. Don’t deactivate everything. Just regulate yourself and portion the time you spend online. Everything in moderation! (Note: everything also applies to Twitter. Instagram is questionable.)
Mom may be your best friend and Dad may be the stronghold you cling onto when times get tough, but regardless of how invincible they seem, they’re still human. They were babies at one point and were scared of the dark at another; they’ve had secret crushes before and have experienced, or created, drama with their friends; they’ve had fights with their parents for staying out too late in high school and awkward conversations about their first boyfriends or girlfriends; and they’ve also experienced that heart sinking, stomach wrenching realization that they’re growing older, the years are going by faster and faster, and their parents will be gone one day. They have thoughts and feelings and regrets and dreams. And just like you, they will continue to age. Their hairs will gray, and wrinkles will start to tattoo the years onto their faces. Your beautiful and thin mom may gain weight and your dad may become frail and look weaker than you’ve ever seen him before. So call them everyday and tell them you love them. Share with them your fears and questions, your revelations and imaginations, your goals and failures. Because if your friends so enjoy catching up with you about the latest updates in your life, how much more would your parents, the one ones who gave you life and love, want to know and be a part of your life?
I am not the only one who has had these revelations in my college years, and that fact is extremely comforting to me. That means there are other people who have gone through similar, if not the same, kinds of struggles as I have and there are people who I can share these experiences with. I was not alone in my struggles, I am not alone now as I still struggle, and I will never be alone in whatever future struggles that I have yet to overcome. There’s a kind of beauty and comfort in knowing that although each and every person is completely different in character, personality, thoughts, ideas, and experiences, we all can share with each other the obstacles with which we have been challenged. And not only that, but we can encourage and empathize with each other because we know how it felt to crave a specific kind of comfort. Those of us who have overcome certain struggles may not always realize why we go through the tears and suffering and misery that we experienced, but one thing is for sure: because we have struggled, we are now able to give the kind of comfort and understanding that others who go through similar trials need. I am not any more special than anybody else because my struggles are minimal and vain in comparison to those of so many people in the world. But comfort is comfort and everyone needs it no matter how big or small the challenge.
[Lead image via Nejron Photo/Shutterstock]
